Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Monday, 21 August 2017

Monday

Good evening peeps,

Well last night I slept until 2.50am, and woke distressed, but I recorded my distress on the tape recorder and slept again, I can't remember my distress or what I recorded.

I woke this morning to something strange, it felt like there was water running down my lower leg, alarming because we have a flat roof and it had rained in the night, but there was no water on my leg at all! I looked this up and it is a neurological symptom, I know I have felt strange recently but I do not have any of the neurological conditions associated with this, so I may have been dreaming.

Anyway, it was estate day today, I always try to actively make it less hellish, so I had a shower and dressed in clean black jeans and a crisp blue shirt, and I had already packed litre bottles of squash, 500ml bottles of hydration salts, and a nice lunch of sandwiches, crisps and fruit, as well as painkillers and I thought I had packed a pain pen and cream, but no sign of those, they have vanished.

I managed to park at work, and the boss had nicked my workmate's space, and laughed at him when he arrived, but the boss wasn't feeling well, we have a joke about how we all turn up no matter what the weather and even if we have broken a leg, and it isn't that far from true.

But despite the boss feeling ill, and having had some time off, he was working today, he and his daughter did the top half of the estate and me and my workmate did the lower half.

Despite some repairs the mower was still too vibratey, and I said I would do some of the mowing but didn't want to get sick, and everyone said that was fine, but I did all the mowing down there, and it rained and it was damp and humid and horrible and I ended up covered in sticky wet grass cuttings.

At lunchtime I sat in my car and had my nice lunch and painkillers, I couldn't find the pain pen or heat cream so I had to make do with that. Then I got coffee. I had a problem today that the black jeans have worn at the seams and the wearing was pinching and rubbing my leg, which was nasty and has left a blister-bruise thing, but I couldn't do anything about it, unfortunately my work trousers have just given up. So tomorrow I will have to go get trousers.

Anyway, so it was my last day on the estate, not because the stupid management company have fired us, they couldn't get anyone else to take the job on under their terms, unsurprisingly, no it was my last day because I said that it is too much strain on me and I can't do it any more, the others wish they could quit too and also hate it, but I am the one with the injuries that aren't enduring it.

So, I have a new monday routine, I take the big holiday estate that I normally spend a morning on with my workmate, and I do that alternate mondays all day, and I do the Marina all day on the other alternates. So all change, and I don't mind too much.

Although it felt slightly sad in the afternoon, because everyone knows us, and various people shouting me over by name and chatting to me, I won't really see them any more.

I did some good clearing work in the afternoon, working alone, and watching a load of cats trying to get into my workmate's van, no idea what he has got in there but they want a piece. His van is a joke to us, as he never clears it out and we make up scare stories about what may be living or growing in there.

The end of the day was happy and sad, my last day on the estate and it has been a long time now, since my first day there, we were standing by the vans and laughing, talking about the marina and someone who lives there, and someone stopped to talk to us, the guy who I have known since I was a teenager, and he said 'They haven't got rid of you then!' It felt funny to me, because no, the estate didn't get rid of us, but it was still my last day.
We told him no-one else would take the contract on the hours and money, and he ranted about the management raking in fees and not using the money for what it is intended for, the residents have tried to force change, but it hasn't worked.
It is funny I will not see him again,  or all the other people who have been so appreciative of our work.

It's possible to get used to a place even if you can't stand it.

Anyway, at last it was home time, aching and tired, I came home, and started trying to do something about the pain, I can't find the pain pen or cream that I put on the rail and was sure I packed this morning, gone. Mysterious.

When I got home I had a shower and supper and watched some TV, not focussing really, Monday is a dud day once work has finished, there is only tiredness, and painkillers and massage seat and acupressure etc, I also did the rolled towel spine thing that the physio taught me, it is quite good, all I have left is some neck pain, and I am ordering a new neck massage thing.

There was supposed to be an eclipse, but it wasn't very good due to the fact that it was just before sunset. I remember the full eclipse, you won't believe how old that makes me feel, I was at work at the time and we went out to watch the full eclipse, but the one today just took a bite out of the sun and the sun was heading for sunset anyway so it was no good. I will write to the Prime Minister and complain and ask for a better one.

I am tired but as usual I am afraid to sleep, because of the distress.

Tomorrow I have my old lady, then some trouser shopping, then the care home.




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