Well, I am tired and depressed. And that isn't because work was bad, we had a good day.
Last night I had a very disturbed night, horrific nightmares, flashbacks and traumas all colliding, I was awake some of the time, but it all blurred, sleep, wake, nightmare, flashback, distress.
In the morning it was hard to get up, which is bad because I am supposed to leave here at 7.30 for work on Monday. It was 7.45 when I left, but I still got there on time and first in.
I was sleepy and with a headache to start the day.
I was working with the boss today, and I had started work when he arrived, and when I wailed miserably about how I felt and how I had no coffee money, he grinned and said 'Right, you work that side of the site and I will work the other side!'
We did a good day's work, we normally have four hours on the first site, and I can tell you if you haven't already noticed from my blog, four hours gardening on one site is a lot, so it was good that I was working with the boss because he decided to cut the four hours short. Which meant we got the next two sites done by lunchtime.
It was good to get going as the site on the seafront is exposed to the wind and it was windy today.
Anyway, after lunch we only had two more sites, one only takes 10 minutes, most of our sites are second or holiday homes so we don't see anyone, but the new garden, the last of the day, is an hour's work for an elderly lady with memory loss, there is a lot of work to do there so we worked hard.
When the boss went to collect the money from the lady, he said he dreads that, she keeps him talking.
So I sat on the wall and almost dozed in the warm sun, very tired, and when the boss came out, making faces, I grinned and he threatened to push me off the wall for grinning.
And that was the end of the day, my next task was to take Max over to the car's best friend, which proved challenging due to traffic, someone has explained to me why our traffic has been so bad, I never thought of it, but I can't tell you on here.
Anyway, it happened that the car's best friend had had a family emergency and instead of texting, had emailed me, and I do not use internet during working hours normally so I wondered why he wasn't there, came home, and found an email, he wants me to go back at 5pm tomorrow, which is highly inconvenient but it is vital that we sort this fault out before the MOT.
When I got home I showered and went to get food, and the sank into depression, hard to function. I should have got an early night because of last night, but I am afraid of going to bed because of the distress.
I don't have a very early start tomorrow, I have an awkward day due to the car's best friend, because otherwise I would be doing a compact gardening round tomorrow and the take-it-easy-Tuesday early finish. I can't rework things to come home and go back out, so I have to mess the round up.
Tomorrow is Liberation Day, sucks, I don't know if that was the Bulldog or the Beagle out on the water making a fuss earlier.
Anyway, now I want to play a game.
You know this blog has been running since 2010?
Well in May 2011 I hadn't yet started it, but in May 2012 it was up and running.
Shall we go back to May 8th each year through links, shall we look back?
I have to be careful with last May as that was the Bishop and Archbishop's attempted murder of me time.
Tuesday, 8 May 2012
Hello Bloggypeeps.
I went to the doctor today, got anti-histamines because it is hayfever season and I don't want it to impact on my asthma, also got a new kind of medicine for my insides as the old one was not working and I am getting terrible upsets, the doctor wanted to examine me but I freaked out.
I went to the benefits agency and had a chat with them, they are enquiring to a certain place about some part time supported employment for me, and I also took their advice and made an appointment with the volunteer office in order to see if I am in any way fit to volunteer.
I went to the doctor today, got anti-histamines because it is hayfever season and I don't want it to impact on my asthma, also got a new kind of medicine for my insides as the old one was not working and I am getting terrible upsets, the doctor wanted to examine me but I freaked out.
I went to the benefits agency and had a chat with them, they are enquiring to a certain place about some part time supported employment for me, and I also took their advice and made an appointment with the volunteer office in order to see if I am in any way fit to volunteer.
Wednesday, 8 May 2013
Hey peeps,
I got a cuppa from the cafe and also found another sticker and got another cuppa from McD's to keep me going.
I haven't had any lunch but I am going to see if these people who invited me can help. I think they can spare me at least a tea and maybe biscuits but they are doing a meal so they may be able to spare some food, i think they know that I am at least in need if not knowing I am homeless.
I got a cuppa from the cafe and also found another sticker and got another cuppa from McD's to keep me going.
I haven't had any lunch but I am going to see if these people who invited me can help. I think they can spare me at least a tea and maybe biscuits but they are doing a meal so they may be able to spare some food, i think they know that I am at least in need if not knowing I am homeless.
Good morning peeps,
Yesterday there wasn't much library time left by the time I got back from the group and settled down, and then the computer crashed and it took a while to get it working again :( I am getting a bit worried about it, I don't want to lose the computer now.
In the evening I had a lot of time to kill, but killing is wrong, so I wandered about and listened to my radio and sat and waited for time to pass. I had enough money for a few cups of tea at McD's and a chip butty for my supper, so that was good.
It was quite late when I tucked into my blankets out in the open in my corner and I was asleep straight away.
I woke at 2.24am when it started raining hard.
I scrambled for the porch and put the blankets there and went to the loo, then I settled down in the porch and slept again.
I woke in the early morning, it was raining hard and the rainwater was spraying up and some was landing on me and my blankets, but not enough to make me or the blankets really wet.
I got up at 7.30 and stashed the blankets and went to McD's, I had enough money for one more cuppa.
I also had a swiss roll that I got with small change last night for today's breakfast, so I ate that with my cuppa.
Last night the ambulance was called to one of the homeless guys, I didn't know if it was because of drink or drugs or because he is epileptic, but today he was sitting in McD's, completely out of his face. He gets DLA so probably it was payday yesterday.
I went outside McD's and found a free porridge token on the ground.
I went looking in all the bins for one more sticker but there were none, I need one more for a cuppa.
Then I found at that someone else was taking the stickers, he is a ratbag because he is not homeless and has everything he needs, there used to be a guy like that in 'Chavtown' do you remember that? He was a sex offender, this one in this town tried to kill his wife with a machete, but neither of them are/were homeless and they never needed to raid the bins.
Anyway, I sat in the churchyard for a quick pray and reflect and dread of the day and the church of england. Then I went to the loo and then I went back to McD's and used the porridge token for my free porridge. So now I am full of carbohydrates and food and hopefully that will last until 3pm because I have nothing until then.
Well I have enough for a cuppa at the cafe because I had 20p in emergency small change left and 30p in my post office account, and I also have five stickers so if I can find another then that will be another cuppa.
But no food.
Yesterday there wasn't much library time left by the time I got back from the group and settled down, and then the computer crashed and it took a while to get it working again :( I am getting a bit worried about it, I don't want to lose the computer now.
In the evening I had a lot of time to kill, but killing is wrong, so I wandered about and listened to my radio and sat and waited for time to pass. I had enough money for a few cups of tea at McD's and a chip butty for my supper, so that was good.
It was quite late when I tucked into my blankets out in the open in my corner and I was asleep straight away.
I woke at 2.24am when it started raining hard.
I scrambled for the porch and put the blankets there and went to the loo, then I settled down in the porch and slept again.
I woke in the early morning, it was raining hard and the rainwater was spraying up and some was landing on me and my blankets, but not enough to make me or the blankets really wet.
I got up at 7.30 and stashed the blankets and went to McD's, I had enough money for one more cuppa.
I also had a swiss roll that I got with small change last night for today's breakfast, so I ate that with my cuppa.
Last night the ambulance was called to one of the homeless guys, I didn't know if it was because of drink or drugs or because he is epileptic, but today he was sitting in McD's, completely out of his face. He gets DLA so probably it was payday yesterday.
I went outside McD's and found a free porridge token on the ground.
I went looking in all the bins for one more sticker but there were none, I need one more for a cuppa.
Then I found at that someone else was taking the stickers, he is a ratbag because he is not homeless and has everything he needs, there used to be a guy like that in 'Chavtown' do you remember that? He was a sex offender, this one in this town tried to kill his wife with a machete, but neither of them are/were homeless and they never needed to raid the bins.
Anyway, I sat in the churchyard for a quick pray and reflect and dread of the day and the church of england. Then I went to the loo and then I went back to McD's and used the porridge token for my free porridge. So now I am full of carbohydrates and food and hopefully that will last until 3pm because I have nothing until then.
Well I have enough for a cuppa at the cafe because I had 20p in emergency small change left and 30p in my post office account, and I also have five stickers so if I can find another then that will be another cuppa.
But no food.
Thursday, 8 May 2014
Thursday Morning
Good morning,
Please excuse the lack of blog, not only have I been ill, but the computer crashed again and also my bus pass ran out and I only had enough money for the day's food yesterday, and there was no library open within my limited walking distance.
Yesterday morning I woke after a normal night's sleep, to find that I could hardly walk, my bad leg was painful and awkward and so was my knee on what used to be my good leg, so was my back, and I was exhausted before the day had begun.
I knew I couldn't stay in bed, so I set out to complete some tasks, mainly dropping off paperwork to the local office, walking up there was very hard, I kept thinking about a wheelchair, because it was such a short walk and yet I struggled, like swimming through treacle. I have a feeling that my heart is struggling a bit again, I have had racing heartbeat a few times recently, so I took asperin.
I may get a lightweight wheelchair for days when walking is too much, I will never afford a mobility scooter unless I get Higher rate mobility allowance, which may or may not happen.
Anyway, three trips up and down the road, with walking getting a bit better, normal meals and usual routines and the flat as clean and tidy as can be and lots of task lists done.
I didn't go to the drop in as I was too tired and busy, and in the evening I just had a normal gentle walk and did lots of thinking.
I also did lots of reading yesterday.
I slept as normal and woke up a bit better today but worried as to how the day was going to go, with the changeover with my benefits.
Thankfully my money was in, and I withdrew enough for a bus pass and headed for town early after breakfast.
I got in town with my broken computer and the shop refunded it because it has never worked well and was under warranty, they did the fund by transfer but it hasn't come through yet, but in the meantime I did a transfer of the rest of my benefit to my rent account so the rent is paid.
Relief, I was worried that the benefits would mess up again.
Yesterday was a glorious sunny day with a fresh breeze, but I had no washing powder left, so I could not make use of the good laundry weather, today I should have money for washing powder later but the weather is pouring rain with no end in sight and more bad weather on the way.
Not great because this weekend is a big event that I should be helping with, and we are all gonna get drenched.
Just gonna sit and catch up, thankfully seems there is no more news of the CofE talking trash on air.
When the computer refund comes in, I am gonna get art stuff and puzzles and study books to encourage my brain to keep recovering and reconnecting. That'll be fun.
Please excuse the lack of blog, not only have I been ill, but the computer crashed again and also my bus pass ran out and I only had enough money for the day's food yesterday, and there was no library open within my limited walking distance.
Yesterday morning I woke after a normal night's sleep, to find that I could hardly walk, my bad leg was painful and awkward and so was my knee on what used to be my good leg, so was my back, and I was exhausted before the day had begun.
I knew I couldn't stay in bed, so I set out to complete some tasks, mainly dropping off paperwork to the local office, walking up there was very hard, I kept thinking about a wheelchair, because it was such a short walk and yet I struggled, like swimming through treacle. I have a feeling that my heart is struggling a bit again, I have had racing heartbeat a few times recently, so I took asperin.
I may get a lightweight wheelchair for days when walking is too much, I will never afford a mobility scooter unless I get Higher rate mobility allowance, which may or may not happen.
Anyway, three trips up and down the road, with walking getting a bit better, normal meals and usual routines and the flat as clean and tidy as can be and lots of task lists done.
I didn't go to the drop in as I was too tired and busy, and in the evening I just had a normal gentle walk and did lots of thinking.
I also did lots of reading yesterday.
I slept as normal and woke up a bit better today but worried as to how the day was going to go, with the changeover with my benefits.
Thankfully my money was in, and I withdrew enough for a bus pass and headed for town early after breakfast.
I got in town with my broken computer and the shop refunded it because it has never worked well and was under warranty, they did the fund by transfer but it hasn't come through yet, but in the meantime I did a transfer of the rest of my benefit to my rent account so the rent is paid.
Relief, I was worried that the benefits would mess up again.
Yesterday was a glorious sunny day with a fresh breeze, but I had no washing powder left, so I could not make use of the good laundry weather, today I should have money for washing powder later but the weather is pouring rain with no end in sight and more bad weather on the way.
Not great because this weekend is a big event that I should be helping with, and we are all gonna get drenched.
Just gonna sit and catch up, thankfully seems there is no more news of the CofE talking trash on air.
When the computer refund comes in, I am gonna get art stuff and puzzles and study books to encourage my brain to keep recovering and reconnecting. That'll be fun.
Friday, 8 May 2015
Friday Morning
Good morning,
Well yesterday I was feeling rubbish in the morning but I went to the dentist inthe afternoon.
We have such awful NHS that my nearest dentist is 8 miles away, I have to get two buses.
I got there early, discovered a library that I ddn't know about, better than my local library, but very small, so I borrowed all their books.
Then I went to a good charity shop and got more books and a white mug for 25p to replace my other mug that I dropped, full of coffee, last week :( it was a good coffee too.
The dental appointmant was OK, well the dentist was acting like he had been smoking weed in his lunch break, which was funny but also scary, it is bad enough letting someone scrabble around in your mouth without you knowing what they are doing, a high dentist is real scary.
He gave me a new toof, and then forgot all about the rest of the work he said he would do and said he would see me in three months time.
It was a productive journey, because I have too few teef, I was so busy being norty that I forgot to grow my teeth in the first place and have needlessly lost a few to bad dentistry and so I have few teeth apart from some nuisance wisdom teeth, so at least the dentist has actually been good and given me a new toof instead of ripping any out.
And I also got through many chapters of music revision while on the buses and waiting in the dentist place.
When I got home, all that mattered was the Simpsons and Hollyoaks and the new books and the election.
Then I had an almost peaceful sleep with the cat keeping me company, he used to want to go out in the early hours but now he stays the whole night and then when I start to wake up, he starts leaping impatiently around.
Then the dreaded election news, bleh, the next five years will be utter misery if I am not able to get enough work, the benefits system will remain a killer of vulnerable people. At least Esther McVey resoundingly lost her seat, strength of feeling. Unfortunately Vaz got to keep his seat, but I have a feeling he will eventually face justice, unless he gets dementia. Simon Danczuk kept his seat, and protector of wrongdoers, Steve Brine kept his seat and will keep the so-called justice comittee corrupt, and ensure justice is inaccessible to the poor.
So generally a bad election.
At least Mike Hancock deservedly lost his seat.
And 113 people voted for a candidate who died some weeks ago.
Hm, elections, what's it all about? Is it an election or does the party that the church and the freemasons choose, win?
Anyway, I am not working today, I just do not feel well. Basically I want to work and can't live with such a dreadful benefits work, but when the Diocese of Winchester shattered my life, they took everything, including my employment record, clean record and fitness to work, and I despair, because the choice of being under-employed and not well enough to work or being on a benefit system that makes me ill and drives me further and further from work the longer I am on it, is no more a choice than the choice of being deported from Jersey, I am just caught up in a nothing life, waiting for the Diocese of Winchester to finish me off and suffering horrors of what they have done to me, night and day.
Well yesterday I was feeling rubbish in the morning but I went to the dentist inthe afternoon.
We have such awful NHS that my nearest dentist is 8 miles away, I have to get two buses.
I got there early, discovered a library that I ddn't know about, better than my local library, but very small, so I borrowed all their books.
Then I went to a good charity shop and got more books and a white mug for 25p to replace my other mug that I dropped, full of coffee, last week :( it was a good coffee too.
The dental appointmant was OK, well the dentist was acting like he had been smoking weed in his lunch break, which was funny but also scary, it is bad enough letting someone scrabble around in your mouth without you knowing what they are doing, a high dentist is real scary.
He gave me a new toof, and then forgot all about the rest of the work he said he would do and said he would see me in three months time.
It was a productive journey, because I have too few teef, I was so busy being norty that I forgot to grow my teeth in the first place and have needlessly lost a few to bad dentistry and so I have few teeth apart from some nuisance wisdom teeth, so at least the dentist has actually been good and given me a new toof instead of ripping any out.
And I also got through many chapters of music revision while on the buses and waiting in the dentist place.
When I got home, all that mattered was the Simpsons and Hollyoaks and the new books and the election.
Then I had an almost peaceful sleep with the cat keeping me company, he used to want to go out in the early hours but now he stays the whole night and then when I start to wake up, he starts leaping impatiently around.
Then the dreaded election news, bleh, the next five years will be utter misery if I am not able to get enough work, the benefits system will remain a killer of vulnerable people. At least Esther McVey resoundingly lost her seat, strength of feeling. Unfortunately Vaz got to keep his seat, but I have a feeling he will eventually face justice, unless he gets dementia. Simon Danczuk kept his seat, and protector of wrongdoers, Steve Brine kept his seat and will keep the so-called justice comittee corrupt, and ensure justice is inaccessible to the poor.
So generally a bad election.
At least Mike Hancock deservedly lost his seat.
And 113 people voted for a candidate who died some weeks ago.
Hm, elections, what's it all about? Is it an election or does the party that the church and the freemasons choose, win?
Anyway, I am not working today, I just do not feel well. Basically I want to work and can't live with such a dreadful benefits work, but when the Diocese of Winchester shattered my life, they took everything, including my employment record, clean record and fitness to work, and I despair, because the choice of being under-employed and not well enough to work or being on a benefit system that makes me ill and drives me further and further from work the longer I am on it, is no more a choice than the choice of being deported from Jersey, I am just caught up in a nothing life, waiting for the Diocese of Winchester to finish me off and suffering horrors of what they have done to me, night and day.
On May 8th 2016 I was in Winchester just before the attempted murder of me by the Archbishop and Bishop and their complicit press and media.
http://lifeafterthediocese.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/winchester-mayfest.html
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