Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 30 September 2016

I couldn't resist...Because this is the kind of shit I am getting

Coming Home


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zBzZJd-nfw

We are on 'El Paso' again, you may recognize it as one of  my 'visiting Jersey' themes

My love is stronger than my fear of death


everything's gone in life, nothing is left

It doesn't just relate to Jersey any more.

I don't know if I documented it on the blog but I made a decision a few years ago.

I was looking at the Eastern Hills, they run North to South and are lighter green than the Great Hills. I was looking at the Eastern Hills and thinking.

I took a great risk in leaving the streets and trying to settle.
But I took that risk because I hoped that the focus on the Church of England and the public knowledge of their failures albeit distorted by pathetic reports and press releases, would stop them from coming after me and destroying me again.
Sadly I misjudged that, and they have never stopped destroying me.

But I made a decision to settle and to love my home. And that decision to love was a very difficult one. I have reactive attachment disorder but that affects my attachment to people more than places, but having had my life in Jersey violently ended and then being driven from my lifelong friends and community in Winchester and left on the run with Jane Fisher pursuing me through the authorities with slander, feeling safe staying in one place is almost impossible,
 But despite the persistence of the Church in harming me, I made up my mind to love this place and settle, in the full knowledge that the love and security would, without any doubt, eventually be destroyed by the church and their associated authorities that they control.

In my situation, love and settling here has made me vulnerable and enabled further harm to me, and in the end, the inevitable police tracing and police attacks started.

But I chose to love this place in full knowledge that that would happen.
Why? Because I didn't want to go on being rootless and I wanted what time I could have here before the attacks started. I wanted what time I could have here, and it was a fair and honest choice.
It is one time in my life when I weighed the odds, saw that they were against me and decided to love despite the odds. It was a significant decision for me, and although it has led to me being open to attack, I don't regret it.

 Fisher drove me out of the churches here with slander and humiliation as she did in Jersey and Winchester, but that was no great loss, because I already knew better than to believe in churches and life has been much better and more productive without them, I love being a real person rather than someone that the church patronizes and looks down on and tries to control.

I wanted to be here, my love is a vague feeling, because my emotions and ability to feel are shattered by what has happened to me. But I love this place, because I choose to. It is a conscious love and maybe manufactured, but with willingness, still genuine love.

I chose to love this place for as long as I was allowed to. I loved Jersey dearly for three years and I still do, and this place isn't a replacement for Jersey, it is totally different, but it is my home.
And I am too tired and ill to go on the run and sleep rough, so now the attacks have started, I will stay and I guess I will die here. I don't mind this being where I die, it aint half bad ere, which is why I chose it. A few of you will know or remember the story of how I chose my home or it chose me.
'The Girl and the Island'?  Back then love was out of the question, a dangerous and horrifying idea.

The Girl and the Island is a true story apart from the mentions of 'Peter' which were happily distorted, and a slight timescale warp with the dream.

El Paso  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zBzZJd-nfw

My love is stronger than my fear of death

And remember peeps, when they kill me, I have suffered too much to ever recover or have a normal life, it will be a relief to stop struggling. And I guess if I die here I die having come home?

No land ever claimed me
though far I did roam
For it's here that my heart lies
and I have come home!

And finally.

I am Bob Hill
I will fight until I fall
With Courage



Thursday, 29 September 2016

Even when you died
oh the press still hounded you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80rHyABCb20

They set you on a treadmill
and they made you change your name...

I fought the law and the law won

The police do not look after my 'saftey'
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeECKIbm9n4&spfreload=5
Peeps,

Unfortunately the police are renewing and strengthening their attack on me on behalf of the Church of England, and I probably won't be blogging for much longer.
This may well be my last post.
As you know, I did my best to rebuild my life and live an honest life, but the murderous church won't be satisfied until I am dead.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Tuesday

Hey peeps,

I haven't felt too good today.
It has rained and I stayed at home and ached and felt low.

I collected proof copies of both 'Tip of the Iceberg' books, as well as a revision of 'Coming Home' and the proof of the first 'Wanderer' book, which has turned out nicely.
The only problem with the books today is that they have left the title page out of Goodnight Anna and have not sent the replacement copies of 'Breaking Silence' still.

Peeps, never publish 11 books all at once, it is crazy.
However, I came home and a few books have sold while I was out. Great.

I am trying to get into university mode but the depression and trauma over the church is overwhelming.
I have a music lesson this evening but the police attack now some weeks ago, trashed my music and lessons for so long.


Monday, 26 September 2016

Monday

The stalkerstat is still leaping on the blog.
When I say stalkerstat, I mean someone in Hampshire, presumably connected to the church, who repetitively views my blog. I tend to screenshot it so that the evil vile church can't make me out to be insane again. Well, they do that, but even so.

Have you ever published two books and done a hard day's work in the same day?

Well I woke at 4.50am and finished editing the Wanderer 2. Then I sent it for publishing.

Then I went and did a very hard day's work on the gardening team. Thankfully we have gained a new team member, a young man who is very hard working and good at the work, such a relief. We got a lot done today and I generally had a good day. But as usual I am aching and need ice and painkillers.

I got home and published 'A Walk in the Dark' in private circulation.

Did you know, I now have 11 publications, some in private circulation, some in public circulation? That is if you don't count duplicate e-books, which would make it more.
But I have a lot more to do, and the most important ones are not out yet.

Hollyoaks is silly today. The young people drinking, very boring.


Saturday, 24 September 2016

Saturday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4JPs29ekI&spfreload=5

My shadow in the fading light
is reaching out towards the night

oh well the air is cold
and yonder lies my sleeping soul
by the branches broke like bones
oh this weakened tree no longer holds

Peeps, things are really bad.

But anyway, I dreamed a lot last night, but most of my dreams were about being in Jersey.
The only other dreams were bizarre. I dreamed I was sleeping rough, but in a shallow grave, while the archbishop was hanging around and blaring his own trumpet, as he does.
Then there was a body in a compost heap, but it was well rotted. It was the body of that little girl who went missing due to her parents' negligence in Portugal and then they exploited her disappearance and made loads of money, but it was her body in the compost heap. 
That was a horrible weird dream, I don't know if they have compost heaps in Portugal but I think the little girl probably is dead by now.

I am not going to go on surviving the horrific public destroyal of me by the church of england forever, which is why I am producing books about it. I am going to die. No one could withstand what I have and go on screaming for help while everyone turns away.




Thursday, 22 September 2016

Thursday

Good evening peeps,

If any of you do physical work, you will know about those days when you come in from work so tired that you are shivering.
That is me now.

I was working with the gardening team today. Although for the morning I was actually working alone on one of their gardens. Hard work.
At lunch I stopped long enough for a light lunch and then went to work on an equally hard job with the team.

There is officially to be no more writing until Monday as I must work on my music!


Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Wednesday

Good evening,

Well I should be asleep, I am tired and aching and I have a hard day's work in the morning.

The Wanderer Book 1. Has been published in e-book and print. Phew.
I kept it down to 75,000 words due to printing costs and the fact that it is the first in the series and slightly different from the rest.

Goodnight peeps.

Tuesday, 20 September 2016

Tuesday

Hey peeps,

I am tired.

I have reached 40,000 words with 'The Wanderer' (1)
And I am way too tired.
I have 3 Sibelius music projects that I must finish but I am getting behind on music because of writing and because of the recent disruptions by the Church etc, every time they trash my life, I have to stop my music lessons. I need to include that in compensation claims.

You know what they did? They publicly destroyed me during my exams, then they tried to get me into a meeting after publicly destroying me, then they set the police on me because I refused.


Monday, 19 September 2016

Monday

Good evening peeps,

After a very hard day's work with the team, I am starting to edit up the first volume of 'The Wanderer' into a book. It is emotional, really emotional, but I feel like I have been waiting for so long to do this! I am just over 11,000 words, so I will be releasing this first volume within the next week.

Those of you who read Goodnight Anna, my third book, if you buy the volumes of  'The Wanderer' as it is published, you will see the correlation between the stories that Anna shares and the diary entries in The Wanderer, if you haven't already read them on the blog.

We finished our work before the rain started today, and now it is a rainy night. I am aching.




Sunday, 18 September 2016

Sunday

I don't really want to update but I am watching my enemy log onto this blog repeatedly and it worries me. Am I due another police attack this coming week?

Today I started with an early trip to the self-service laundry, I had so many dirty clothes. I sat there with my music revision, and other early Sunday launderers are getting used to that and asked about my music. I haven't quite given up despite the police attack losing me weeks of music practice and theory.

After that I have had a quiet day, writing and music. well what else?
I went for a wander at some point but have had an unremarkable day apart from severe and persistent flashbacks and traumas regarding the church of england and their police and press.
Seeing the stalker stat logging on repeatedly adds to my distress.


Saturday, 17 September 2016

Saturday

Hey peeps,

I was placed second in the short story contest, which is good literary cred for me, but not the win I hoped for. Ah well, life isn't just about winning unless you are a a dignitary in the Church of England.

I also published 'Tip of the Iceberg 2' in private circulation today.

I have had a terrible day with flashbacks and trauma about the Church of England, but I went to work for a while, then sorted Max out, then I have been writing short stories again.


Photo published for Sometimes the right path is not the easiest one | Respect Yourself

Friday, 16 September 2016

Friday

Hey peeps,

Yeah, I am on my feet and feeling better. It would help if Marius's fleas were not chewing me though. I have bee and wasp stings and Marius's fleas are eating me. Humpf, how rude.
Rain happened earlier, and I passed some time chatting to peeps, including Jersey peeps, who are always the best to chat to during a rough time.

Anyway, I have energy to potter about and do things. And less pain.

I got on with some literary work. I published a copy of Tip of the Iceberg 1, which is an anthology of letters to do with the CofE. The name is self-explanatory.
Then I made some manuscripts into e-books.
Then I edited a short story and looked at some marketing for my books.
Someone bought a copy of 'Goodnight Anna' while I was looking at the stats :)

Then it was on to music. I have not been at work today, firstly because of rain and secondly because I don't want to go back into relapse so I thought rest was good.
I am just working through my syllabus as I watch Hollyoaks.

I am worried about Bob. I hope he is OK.

Everything needs money at the moment and I don't have much of that.

Thursday, 15 September 2016

Thursday evening

Hey peeps,

Unfortunately I am not getting well.
I am not good at the lying down and resting thing when it is day time, but my body won't hold up any more. My body got bored with normal things like shopping and running errands and work and it wants to fall down and not run smoothly, which is very annoying. Worse still my eyes and brain do not want to do creative writing or music.
I am trying to lie down and watch Hollyoaks but I get pains when I lie down. But I had to laugh at Jade and Alfie.

Jade and Alfie decided to do 50 years of married life in 4 weeks when Jade's cancer was found to be back. Frankie grabbed their list and told them to start with the rows.
Jade and Alfie rowing was so funny. Alfie stormed off saying he was going to the pub, and Jade shouted after him 'As usual!'
Alfie and his family live at the pub you see.


Morning peeps,

Everything is too much effort, all I want to do is sleep.
The pain is a bit less, I have lowered the meds as a result.
I can hardly even climb a flight of steps at the moment. I feel awful.

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

shortlist

Hey peeps,

I am pleased to tell you that despite being very ill, I have just had a story shortlisted in a competition.

I can barely read or write or do anything at the moment so my creative work is on hold, but yes, I am shortlisted, I am one of three on the shortlist so I will at least be placed and thus earn literary cred :)

I have had some copies of the new book 'Breaking Silence' arrive this week too, but they got the covers wrong. I'm going to send a copy to my Mum even with the wrong cover as I think she would like to read it.





Wednesday

Hey peeps,

Unfortunately I am still unwell, not really well enough to be trotting nortily about and being mischeef.
The routine is still vomiting, pain, painkillers and sleep, nothing I can do about it.
I feel so crippled and useless.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

update

Hey peeps.

I only feel like doing two things. Vomiting and sleeping.
Sleeping is not an option yet, so I will try to keep some painkillers down, unlikely.
Short sharp heatwave is making things worse.


Tuesday, 6 September 2016

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4JPs29ekI&spfreload=5

I Sit alone in a dead world and I write

“I sit alone in a dead world. The wind blows hot and dry, and the dust gathers like particles of memory waiting to be swept away. I pray for forgetfulness, yet my memory remains strong, as does the outstretched arm of the oppressive air. It seems as if the wind has been there since the beginning of the nightmare. Sometimes loud and harsh, a thousand sharp needles scratching at my reddened skin. Sometimes a whisper, a curious sigh in the black of night, of words more frightening than pain. I know now the wind has been speaking to me. Only I couldn't understand because I was too scared. I am scared now as I write these words. Still, there is nothing else to do.”


Christopher Pike - Whisper of Death

Sunday, 4 September 2016

Norty's Trip to WInchester Cathedral

One upon a time there was a nortyperson
The Nortyperson went to Winchester for the day.

She put a whoopee cushion on the Bishop's throne in the Cathedral
But the congregation thought that was his sermon.

Then she did head over heels all the way through the Cathedral
while shouting 'The end is nigh!' until the tourists thought there was a fire.

The Nortyperson told the rich old  congregation about Jesus of Nazareth and how
he turned the tables over in anger because His Father's House was being used for Money

The shocked congregation said that Jesus would have to be banned from the Cathedral
'Because we couldn't have him causing such Disruption Here! So He isn't Welcome!'


Saturday, 3 September 2016

Saturday

Good evening peeps,

High stats from Jersey, not a good sign.

Well anyway, 'Breaking Silence' has gone off to be published as a proof copy, it will not be available to the general public for the moment except on request. And I am editing page 40 of 'Hampshire Hymn' at the moment.
My adoptive mum probably can't wait for her copy of Breaking Silence, although I think my parents are off gallivanting at the moment. It has been hard to get those two to stay home at all since they retired :) jet set parents, I will have to fit a tracking device. They took my first three books with them to read.
I will now be a four-book author when the proof copy of Breaking Silence arrives, although I have also published the Fisher report but that is a report and not a book.

Well the show went well and the rain held off until the end. But I got very tired indeed.

As a steward I had the honour of shadowing a judge and learning from her, it was very helpful to see showing from that angle and I am very pleased. However, everyone is pushing me to come out of competitive retirement and show next year. They have even found me a garden in which to grow things. Give me a break, you guys!
Anyway, a lovely day, and the flowers at St. C's were still beautiful, But I was glad to come home and sleep afterwards.
I didn't sleep for long, I woke in time to get a short story into the weekly contest and then I cleaned the flat, did some shopping, put the clean laundry away and have been editing 'Hampshire Hymn'.

Tomorrow is all writing and music, but I must bring Max round to the front and give him a good clean, inside and out.




Friday, 2 September 2016

Friday

Good afternoon peeps.

Well it is show preparation day, I have just got home for lunch break and the rain is falling. Typical!
All that dry weather and now rain for show time.

I need to eat, my blood sugar is too low.

I am back on duty in a few hours, helping to book the entries in,  so I need to collect washing and post, I need to eat, and I need to do a slight adjustment to 'Breaking Silence' which is just about ready for publication.
Being back on show duty is freaky, another 'Going Backwards Forwards' moment.

I feel a bit woozy as I am back on 5HTP. I had been off it for a long time due to not affording it, and the last batch was a dud batch that made no difference, and then of course I had to survive the Bishop and Archbishop's press attack, no meds could help with that, but due to my low mood and insomnia, I am back on 5HTP, and I can feel it, it makes me woozy and tight-headed, a bit like a tension headache but not as bad.

You will be pleased to know that I am improving on my creative writing, my latest story made 5th place and was specifically commented upon in the competition comments, so it is definitely beneficial to keep taking part in these things. My previous story was read for 3rd place but didn't make it.


Thursday, 1 September 2016

Thursday

Good morning peeps,

Well I am just preparing for work.
I am aching from yesterday's working on the gardening team, but we were lucky this time that there was cloud and a breeze for most of the day, so I survived.

I was so tired last night that I only edited 'Breaking Silence' as far as page 125.
Breaking silence is going to divide into two books now, it will be 'Breaking Silence' as the Sequel to 'The Silent World' and the second half will be 'Hampshire Hymn'.

It is a sunny morning with a bit of haze now.

I have a good day's work ahead, and if I am lucky, my work will all be done so that I can start helping with setting up for the show tomorrow.

There are rumblings from the Channel Islands, but the Church of England remain responsible for any harm to me. They really think that they can blatantly and criminally harm and discredit me and never be held to account.