Hey peeps,

Busy busy time these days.

I went to class last night, it was ok, a bit overwhelming because of the level of interaction but I survived, I was one of a few who had managed to get the text book, and everyone was grumbling because the textbook cost more than expected, I found that too.
The class was quiet because a few had dropped out and one was ill.

We got through a lot of hard work and finished early, especially as the tutor didn't feel well, but as a result I caught an earlier bus home, got home, knew rain was forecast and had to work to get to the porch without the drunks disturbing me.
I slept but not deeply, I was kind of only half asleep all night. Until the early morning when I was more deeply asleep and couldn't wake very well.

I got up and stashed everything in the box, did my hair and mouthwash and headed for the cafe, relieved to see no news from the blasted church of england.
Went to pastoral care and that was good.

Headed for therapy, the train was crowded but I survived.

Therapy was a bit traumatic, well it has to be if we are to make progress.
We discussed the trauma assessment.
:(
Some of the elements of trauma are way above the clinical cut off score apparently, the psychologist says he is going to have a meeting with other people at the clinic to see about getting me EMDR or other trauma therapy.
I found it all a bit scary, but there is nothing we didn't know really, the death wish showed up, but even that has decreased since I did the assesment and I am in no way in the same terrible state I was 18 months or so ago and before. My church has done amazing things for me.
I would have been right off the scale two years or 18 months ago, and the NHS were useless, but as it is, the assesment results are a picture of severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, coming from the church of england treatment of me on top of my upbringing.

trauma therapy will be traumatic in itself, but I wont get better without it.

Anyway, because my therapy time is midday now, it means I get home before the rush hour, the train was busy but not overcrowded so I got home ok, went up to the camp and put the stove on, I made tea and washed myself, including my hair and face, and redid the potassium permanganate wash, not sure I should do it again so soon but never mind.
I had a number of cups of tea, cut and scrubbed my nails, put some pp on some of the mosquito bites, changed my socks, and did as much of my wash and hygiene that I could outdoors, I will do the rest this evening while the choir are practicing, I will also finish my homework then, I started it on the train.

Then I sorted out the lock box as it was muddled. I put all my dirty washing together for my friend to collect this evening, and put my coursework and wash things together for this evening and made sure everything was tidy and shipshape.
Then I came up here to the library.
Yay, it's the weekend, good food and relaxing with my pals and churchpeeps! :) hey, I am half and half about living and and death, I love my life now, I have better quality of life than I have ever had, the deathwish is only because of the church of england.
But I learned to love again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpQFFLBMEPI

I need physio on this leg again. It is just beginning to seize up and give me a hard time.