Introduction

This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England http://whatreallyhappenedinthechurch.blogspot.co.uk/

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more: http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/JJNP

Friday, 10 May 2013

Hi peeps,
well I got my laundry done this morning, which is an achievement. I also ended the crazy crazy situation where I am forced to relive the horror of the church of enngland over and over and over and over and over and over and over and.. well, you get the picture.
I remain living in fear and in great distress and unheard but at least I will stop being badgered for the same bit of information 20 times over. It doesn't make any difference that I have lost. I had lost the minute the church used the BBC to attack me and cover up in 2009, or even before that. I was born to suffer and lose.
I am not suicidal, I am just simply defeated, but I always have been. In 2004 or 2005 my counsellor did an assessment of me that showed that I had high levels of despair, and that was purely from being unable to integrate into the normal world with Asperger Syndrome and having grown up in the crazy world I grew up in. Imagine, if my despair was high then, after five years of pure hell from the church of england and now all this nightmare, imagine, how despairing I am now. And all of this recently has been for nothing.

Anyway, I came back here, couldn't persuade myself to eat anything or do anything and here I am, trying to persuade myself to sleep. I am supposed to use my crisis notes etc and do my daily maintenance even if I don't feel like it. But sitting in despair is a much better option.

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