This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Saturday, 19 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well last night wasn't too turbulent, I did wake at some point, I did have some dreams and distress but it faded into oblivion. I got up this morning to find I had opened a window in the night - I usually wake up too hot when I am distressed - but the air coming into the flat was cool, crisp and scented, autumnal, lovely.

Well today was a funny day, because I decided not to top up my work at the care home but to leave them until Tuesday (yeah, right, no, I promise I will). So no work, no work could mean just being here and being distressed, well in a way that is what happens at weekends and in the evenings and nights, so yeah, some distress, but I was focussing on major cleaning and sorting out, the new mop and hoover have inspired it, as well as my whiteboard task list reminding me of everything that needs doing.
So I did a major clear-out and took things down to the lockup.

Then I have been watching DVDs and cleaning and clearing the flat, cleaning the car inside and out, sorting tools and equipment and possessions, and it is all beginning to shape up a bit now.

Nothing worth watching on TV today.

I have what appears to be an automated stalkerstat viewing the blog every few hours, unless it is the police. I would like it to stop as it is annoying and is messing up my stats.
I am not suicidal you stupid police, go and beat my abusers up.

I am just cooking some steak, and tomorrow will be church, and some writing. I have written a few lines of Castle on the Hill today, I don't feel like writing, but with a quiet weekend and a distressed mind, I need to write.

Friday, 18 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Last night was slightly better. I did have one nightmare but I generally slept through.

Today I worked down the Marina, and there were big fish doing fish things in the water, fish do not do much, they just swim and open and close their mouths, I would like to bring one home and fry it with butter.

Then this afternoon I did the old lady's garden, and she enticed me in for tea for once, and her neighbour was saying lots of complimentary things about me and calling the other gardener a mini hippo, which is dead rude.

I came home and started the housework, only one lot of washing this weekend and that is out on the line, half the house is hoovered and mopped, yay, and the big shopping is done.

I watched Top Secret and Hollyoaks and now I am tired enough to sleep. maybe.

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Bored waiting for Emma to comment on my blog, lets do Janet Averty's theme and solemnly acknowledge how twisted it all was, whatever was going on up there.


Good evening peeps,

I had a terrible night, full of nightmares and severe distress.
I got up this morning and it was raining and I didn't want to go to work.

I went anyway, running late, got stuck behind a tractor.

Got to work, on the cliff top, and my old lady wasn't too well, she had been quite ill, so the doctors had taken her off some of her meds and she looked ill and was coughing a lot, she was waiting to go and have a gastroscopy, and she has to have them without anasthetic like I do.

I got her garden done, went to collect my parcels, which included my new hoover and mop, and went to the next garden.

I was surprised how well I worked, and I finished there and came home to get my mower for the care home, but Hampshire Blasted Police had been sending me emails, so it took me an hour to tell them to go to hell and I was shook up, as I always am when I deal with the nazis.

Eventually I went back to work, and worked myself to an exhausted standstill just as it started to rain again.
I came home and have been doing very little apart from watching Hollyoaks. I can't seem to throw off the depression and despair any more, it is set in, there was no hope for me after the Bishop and Archbishop had me publicly destroyed, and their police seige of my home in September last year was the last straw, all that is left is suffering.

Guernsey have spent the evening checking if I blogged about airplanes. Go to hell Guernsey.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well yesterday's physio was painful and had quite an impact on me, I still feel wrecked.

So I didn't work yesterday afternoon.

I went down to the salon by the sea to get a hair appointment and was surprised to bump into my old housemate, who seemed really pleased to see me.

She told me that she has a strange housemate now, but we are all strange to her, she has such problems herself with emotions and issues. Her housemate sounds like me, but she likes me now, was happy to see me.

She told me that sadly she is having to consider returning to Poland as the falling pound means money she sends home isn't worth as much.
It makes me sad, she has worked so hard, to learn English and train as a carer, and now she is being forced out of the life she built.
She also told me that her disabled friend needed tree work done and no-one would help, so I giggled and gave her the boss's number. She can't get his name right any more than she can get my name right. I am sure he will have fun talking to her.

Anyway, she seemed so happy to see me, it was funny. And off I went to make a hair appointment, get the bedraggled mop thinned, it looks so bad when I leave it.
The salon gave me an appointment for today, which was quicker than expected.

I came home and watched 7 Pounds, which is a sad film but very moving.
Then Hollyoaks.

I spent the evening writing, and crying, I felt ill and sad and tired, the physical trauma of the physio and the years of harm to me from the church just overwhelmed me.

I didn't sleep too badly though, although I had a nightmare about the church and Littleton. I am always relieved to wake and know that at least I am free from the old bigots and their fake church.

This morning I went to work, the garden clearance that I started last week, it went well although I am still in pain from physio. The lady was so happy with it, she came out and gave me a £10 that she insisted I accepted. It is sub-contract work, so the boss pays me, but the extra £10 that she insisted will come in handy.

I headed for my haircut, and got it done OK, thinned and trimmed.
Then I had lunch at a seaside cafe, one that I like. Jacket potato and a mug of tea.

I am still wrecked from physio, so I came home, I still feel physically and emotionally wrecked. I am watching 7 Pounds again. I will watch 'Top Secret' next, to lighten the mood.

Tuesday, 15 August 2017


Good morning peeps,

Well it is nice and early as my work today doesn't start until 9.

I wrote that 15 minutes ago and wandered off.

I just ordered a new hoover and mop for the flat, normally I sweep the whole things and skate around on cloths but that is hard work and this flat is a devil for dust bunnies, so I decided to upgrade.

On Sunday I got the whole flat very clean, and that was about all I did, apart from preparing for work, washing Max and watching some movies.

Yesterday was a difficult day, I went to work with my mate, the mower is so bad that the vibrations have seized up my shoulder and neck, worse than it has been in a while as I have done such good pain management for so long, but I have been suffering.

As I write, I have just belatedly got my physio reminder through, belated because the physio is today and I was wondering what time, as the reminder had not come. 2pm, just the right time to ruin any working day. I have my old lady this morning and then I will have to come home for lunch and a shower before physio, and as physio takes 40 minutes, I end up with less time to get another job done in the afternoon, how annoying, but hopefully physio can release the neck and shoulder injury somewhat.

Yesterday was a long day, supposed to be warm and cloudy, yeah, right! As always it was hot and sunny. And with the hard work, it made me tired and ill. We did have a nice long lunch on the beach though, and I had coffee with my lunch, which always cheers me up. I did meds all day and drank 2.25 litres of squash and 1 litre of hydration mix, and tea and coffee, but I felt awful anyway.
The mower blade is broken, hence the vibration, so it is impacting badly on my shoulder, they will have to fix it now.

Last night I was exhuasted and went to bed at 7.30, which of course meant I was waking in the night, more in pain than distress though, well, maybe.

So today is supposed to be a light easy day, take it easy Tuesday, but physio kind of complicates that.

I am curious as I have a new reader who is viewing the blog every few hours. Hello. If you are looking for contact details, shout me on twitter. If not, welcome to the blog.

Sunday, 13 August 2017


Good lunchtime peeps,

I am sitting in my shower robe, with my lunch cooking in the kitchen, there is nothing on television.

Last night I was tired enough to sleep, and to sleep through the night without distress.

I woke up this morning and as usual the distress came back, it takes some hours to override it and try to live normally, so I did very little for some time, I finished reading a book and watched Hollyoaks without interest.

Then I started the housework, just to annoy the dirty church of england, the housework is currently at chaotic stage, the stage before you start pulling it all together and it all looks good.

It is a warm sunny day, so I should go out, to a cafe or something by the sea. I don't feel enthusiastic.

Tomorrow we have the holiday homes run, and it will be cloudy and not too warm if the forecast is right. I look forward to coffee on the sea wall at break time.

I guess I had better do my work diary and schedule, a week of solid plodding, comfortingly routine and normal. Hopefully. You never know what the church and their complicit idiots will do next.

Saturday, 12 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

It has been a hard day due to being awake with trauma in the night, and I am tired.

I didn't do much at all this morning, watched TV, not much.

This afternoon I went to work for a few hours, felt lazy but worked anyway.

This evening I have watched Liar Liar, done housework, and emails, and cooked a proper supper. And I went for a sunset drive along the coast, which I don't often do.

I am getting sleepy now.

The trauma and distress are so constant because there has been no resolution to anything.

Trauma, awake in the middle of the night because of trauma.
I guess going to bed early when I know this happens, doesn't help, but I was too tired to stay up, and I was asleep within minutes of lying down.
But here I am, awake and trying to go back into coping mode.
I have taken 2 5HTP, which isn't great if I do sleep, because it causes vivid dreams.

Friday, 11 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well I am tired.
I am sure you can imagine, London was a long day for me. It went well but took a lot of energy and management of everything so that I didn't get sick.

I got home at 11.40 last night, and was in bed at about midnight, and woke free from pain this morning, but I am tired.

I have worked a light and easy day today, then done the shopping, and now that Hollyoaks is over, I am having an early night, I hope that won't make me ill with flashbacks and nightmares.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

It is Wednesday rained off day.
I found fruit and nut chocolate.

Last night I had a bad night of nightmares, the worst were about the Lihous. I am always relieved to wake up and remember that the disturbed and harmful church of england people who affected my life for so long are gone. Nonetheless, my sleep was disrupted and unhappy and I woke a number of times and had to do meds and open windows and try to cool down and calm down.

I am still battling depression and trauma, these days I don't get much relief from it.

This morning I fell asleep again at 5am and woke late, I had to wash and dress quickly and go and get a ton bag from my workmate, and give him the hedgecutter.

But work looked doubtful and I felt bad.

In the end I did two hours of heavy clearance and got soaked through.
I left a lot of heavy garden waste for the boys to collect.

I had to just give up and come home, and the rain has been relentless.
When I got home, I put my soaking work clothes in the wash, and hid in a duvet in front of the TV and watched Mel and Joey.

I had to do a wash despite the rain as I am going to London and I need clean smartish clothes.

I did a fry-up for lunch, sausage, eggs and bacon, with bread and coffee. And Then I printed and worked through tomorrow's paperwork.
Eventually I was cold enough to have a shower. I am really bad at getting in the shower after being out in the rain.

I am drinking coffee laced with 2 5HTP, and hoping it will help. I think I will watch Self/less now until Princess Diaries are on later, yesterday I watched 'Me before You'.

Tuesday, 8 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Just winding down for the night.

Last night I slept better, being very tired helps. And thankfully no residual pain from yesterday's work, aches and tiredness, but not real pain.

This morning I went to work for my old lady, hoping the rain would allow it. But she was unwell, and her husband came out and asked if I would do the lawns and a general tidy up, he said he would make tea later.
The old lady had a lot of pain from spine problems so she gets ill a lot, but she says the doctors and hospital don't really help her.
Her husband is an old fashioned man, who hadn't heard of lady gardeners when I appeared, and their last gardeners were cowboy men who did little and demanded much, so he is still a bit astonished by my work, but he has got used to me, and he is very appreciative and grateful for my work, he had a heart attack 18 months ago, so he can't do much in the garden now.

I got their garden done before the rain, and headed into the supermarket on the way home for some shopping, my workmate turned up there, and looked surprised to see me, he was working at the retirement complex nearby, and he looked tired, so I asked him it his harem were wearing him out, he grinned, but he is sad that they won't allow him to build a compost bin to save taking so much waste away.

I headed home for lunch, intending to do the care home in the afternoon if the weather allowed, but no such luck, I was rained off. So other chores were to be done, more shopping, housework, homework for Thursday, because, yes, I am going to London after all.

I am very tired now, but the flat is clean and I have wiped out half a whiteboard of chores and tasks.
I watched Hollyoaks and read a short story as well, and started getting the London material together, and tomorrow I will be doing a new property sub-contact, if the weather allows, as the Holiday cottage remains fully booked. I would be doing the marina in the afternoon but the weather looks pretty bad.

Monday, 7 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Tired but not in too much pain.

Last night I slept shallowly and had nightmares about the church and homelessness, very vivid and upsetting.

I woke this morning and dragged myself through the routines.

I headed for the estate, not leaving myself much time, but with it being school holidays, I arrived in good time.

The team today was my workmate, myself, the boss and his daughter.
None of us like the estate, the work is soul destroying and the management company are horrible.
I was dreading it even more than usual. Having had the diagnosis and assessment of my shoulder and neck makes me more reluctant to do that high impact and futile work to maintain a massive estate with only one day a fortnight. We hate the estate but it has been year round reliable work.

Well it seems that it may be coming to an end. Another firm had been brought in to plant up the desert areas of builders soil, and yes, they had planted directly on the builders soil, against our advice and despite the demise of the plants we put in, the managers have been such cheapskates they refuse to listen regarding the soil being no good, and they have refused to budget for topsoil, so basically those new plants will die.

Anyway, we got on with the mowing, got the estate done. And then onto the weeding, the day dragged, and I drank bottles of squash and hydration solution, as well as keeping the painkillers and anti-inflamatories at top dose.
I also had coffees at breaktime, and endured the day.

In the afternoon I went to get some bags from the vans for my weeding, and all of us except the boss's daughter, who felt unwell, ended up in a kind of confab with some of the residents.

The residents generally like us and our mad hard work, and they don't like the management company.
One of the residents was discussing the site and situation with us, and another, who, believe it or not, I have actually known since I was a teenager, small world eh, came to talk, and he told us the management company had been showing another gardening team round the estate.

We laughed. We rely on the estate for income in the winter but we hate the way the management company treat us and we work flat out and make ourselves ill because they only give us one day a fortnight to do everything, and then they grumble. We have tolerated this and we have run out of patience. Good luck to them if they want to make another team endure it.
The only thing is, according to the residents, the amount of money the management team are taking from residents for maintenance is not being reflected in what they pay us or in any promised work being done, so the residents are sympathetic to us and furious with the management, who are raking in enough to have us there a lot more, as well as budgeting for topsoil and other things that they refuse to.

So it was a heated and sympathetic conflab, where ousting the management team was raised by the residents, one of whom would be more than capable of chairing a new management team, indeed that line of work has been his life, and we would work well for him.
But, it looks as if the current management want shot of us so that they can blame and wear down another team, they just haven't told us yet, so we are waiting with grins on our faces, and when the boss says if they wear the other team down and ask us back, he will charge double. And believe me if they stick to one day a fortnight another team won't last, we have done the impossible for a long time now. I hope I never go back there. I dread and endure it.

Anyway, I finished promptly and went to do my final duties at the farm, phew what a relief! That has been too much for me as well!

Then I came home, traffic crawled and it was 6pm when I got home.

I have had a quiet evening, supper, TV, a book, pain prevention, and now just finishing the day and preparing for bed. I did the invoices and write-up for the farm, and they will have come home to find that. Not that I am impatient but they sometimes take their time to pay for work and I could do with the money.

Tomorrow a quieter day, one old lady, one care home, no farm!

The London trip is uncertain due to the severe disruptions caused by engineering, we are just seeing what alternatives can be worked up, so it is 50-50 at the moment.

Sunday, 6 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am watching Night at the Museum. I have given Max a wash.

Well Friday evening out was generally good, a bit dodgy with the transport home, but that was my annual outing. I survived it.

But, getting back at Quarter to one in the morning did make the weekend harder. I had to be up early for the farm as well.

Yesterday was a bit of a blur, I went back to bed after the morning farm duties, slept until lunch time, wasn't hungry, went back to the farm and worked, not much else happened apart from a bit of TV and reading.

Today I went to do the farm, then I went to church, struggled though church, but it was nice to see my churchpeeps. Although a lot of people were away and it was very quiet.

After church I came home, didn't do much, and went back to the farm for the evening.

I am only just starting my weekend chores, cleaning, preparing for the week etc. Tomorrow evening I hand the farm back over, phew! I am glad it is over!
But tomorrow we have the estate, which I outright hate. Since finding out how bad my shoulder and neck are, I am sure I should not work on the estate.

Anyway, I feel tired and useless, the church and police damage will never go, and it is hard to live. I wonder why and how I get through each day, just waiting for them to harm me again. It is hard and it never gets easier, the police and church and their complicit services and authorities have destroyed me, and no matter what I do, that remains.

Thursday, 3 August 2017


Good evening peeps,

Well yesterday I had an unfortunate accident.
I was working at the farm and the rain was pouring down and the railway sleepers were wet and slippery and I fell hard.

I landed on my hand, which is bruised, but the impact was above my elbow, so I have a hurty arm and changing gear when I drive is a bit awkward. I also strained my leg, but mildly. and all that just after physiotherapy.

I am walking wounded though, and this morning on the cliff top, I was using the heavy hedgecutter without too much difficulty.

I went into town at lunchtime, got the household shopping and lunch, and then worked at the farm for the remainder of the day. I cannot express how glad I will be to hand the farm back, I can't cope with it with all my work, I mean I am coping with it, but it is not having a good effect on me.

The wind made work difficult today, and unforecast rain at times didn't help.

I worked too hard, and got home worried about being ill, I am aching, but tomorrow will tell, and I hope very much I will not be ill tomorrow as I have a special evening.

I have felt very depressed, but I have done some housework, watched TV, done a load of washing and hung it out.

Twitter tolls haven't helped my mood, but they are very stupid and ignorant and have no base for their silly whining.

Tomorrow I have the mansion for the morning and one of my old ladies for the afternoon. Then the farm.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017


Good afternoon,

I have not updated properly for several days. I don't know why.

On Sunday evening I watched Nanny McPhee and Home alone, and my landlord and his son came to try to fix the washing machine, but we don't know if it is fixed until next time I try to use it.

On Monday it was sunny and I worked with my mate, we had lunch on the sea wall in the sun, and I had coffee from the kiosk, but then I felt ill in the afternoon but didn't know why. I worked still, and then went and did the farm.

Yesterday I started at my old lady's house, she told me it takes her two weeks to get a doctor's appointment even though she is in pain.
When I had done her garden I went and started on the care home, and stopped halfway through to come home and change and go to physiotherapy.

The physio did ultrasound on the sciatica, which is actually a strained ligament and facet joint, but he was much more serious about my neck and shoulder.

He says the injured trapezius has wasted a bit despite my work, and that can happen with pain, and the muscle is tight as well as wasted, but worse, the neck problem isn't just muscle tightness or degeneration, it is whiplash, all the way along, which went untreated, and is untreatable now. Damn. Permanent, although, peeps, you know I knew that the pain I live with is permanent, I stopped looking for cures and accept that treatment when it is bad is the only option.

Anyway, so I left there a bit poorer and with pain in my neck and shoulder from treatment.

The 'sciatica' has responded well to treatment, but the neck and shoulder have been painful today.

Today was a washout, it has been pouring with rain.
I have to go and do the farm, and some shopping in a while. Traffic has been horrendous recently and the weather won't help. I am very tired and I will be glad to hand the farm back soon.

I have been testing my new orthapedic pillow, it seems OK, it doesn't need a support under it yet as it is too bouncy.

I think I should go shopping and do the farm now, then I can have a hot shower when I come home wet and soaked.
I hope it dries out there for tomorrow, I need to do the grass there and there is a lot of it!

Sunday, 30 July 2017


Good afternoon peeps,

I woke up feeling better.

I went and did the farm.
Debated whether to go to church from there, but decided that I needed to rest and sort the flat out.

Which I have been doing, slowly.

The washing machine is leaking all over the floor. That is not good. That is the replacement washing machine which has been a bad replacement for a perfectly good machine, but they though this one was younger, I think it was a needless and bad move, especially as the floor is soaked, but they are out, so it will wait.

I am so tired, I just have to go on cleaning and have a shower and later I will go and put the farm to bed. I am not really able to concentrate very much on writing.

It is a breezy day, sunny and cloudy.

There is nothing decent on TV and I haven't wanted to go out anywhere or do much, I should do music and writing but a lot of the time I see no point.

Saturday, 29 July 2017


Good evening peeps,

I am watching Evan Almighty, Sister Act 2 was on before.

This morning I fell out of bed and into work clothes, and headed for the farm.
The animals were pleased to see me and their breakfast, the breakfast mostly.

The weather was staying dry at first but was due to turn bad, so I didn't leave the greenhouse open or anything.

I nipped in town for some breakfast, and then I was due to do the care home, but realised I would have to go home for my mower!
I can't wait to get a van.

I did the care home until the rain began, and then it was time to get petrol and shopping, an annoying Saturday thing, but the weeks are so busy, I end up as if I was a normal person, doing chores on the weekend.

I have been feeling really low, as you know, and very depressed and angry. Sometimes the horrific injustices override the dissociation which keeps me alive, and I stop coping.

Anyway, the rain continued, and I tried to cope, read the paper, watched a DVD, thought about sleeping.

I decided to skype the doctor, I pay monthly for access to advice from doctors, because the NHS have destroyed me and left me with no access to help. So I pay for private doctor advice. The three-ring evil of church-police-NHS costs me a lot of money when I am still in poverty, and I still can't afford therapy, it is cheaper to pay for the doctor with a monthly fee.

This was to be the first time I dared to actually use the online service, and I was terrified, of course, but after a few problems with the system, I spoke to a very down-to-earth doctor, I told him about my recent problem with sciatica, and he said 'lay off the heavy lifting for a while' (It has been using my workmate's heavy hedge trimmer that has triggered it), and the doctor wrote me a referral letter for physiotherapy. So I have emailed the physio clinic.

Talking to a doctor without being hurt really helped me. I was so anxious, and problems with the sound meant I had to switch to my tablet from the laptop, but I felt much better for having spoken to the doctor, I didn't talk about my state of mind, give it time and I will, but my confidence in medical staff is so shattered that it will take time. It is another thing that needs rebuilding.

Then I finally cooked lunch at nearly 5pm, and went to put the farm to bed, in the pelting rain.

Home again, it really was time for a hot shower and some nice films.
I am all clean and in clean clothes, and feeling a lot better.

The flat really needs tidying, everything is all over the place.

I can't get writing, even though I have a few things I want to write.

Friday, 28 July 2017


Hey peeps,

Well I slept through the night but with vivid dreams, then this morning the flashbacks relating to the police, church and NHS were horrific and it was hard to work.

The weather was wet and windy and the traffic was bad. But I worked at the marina with the boys.

They were mowing and I was planting, weeding and hedge trimming.

They didn't have a good day, one broken mower and one broken window. Not happy.

I got a good morning's work done despite the desperate distress. Then I finished at lunch time and came home for my lunch.

Unfortunately it started raining, but I headed back out, hoping for the best, but as well as the continued rain, traffic was horrendous, so I didn't get my old lady's garden done, I went and shut the farm up early. Got the animals fed and out of the weather.

Came home, Titanic was on, so I watched that and then Hollyoaks and did meat and bread for supper.

I had arranged with the director of the samaritans to go in and see them this evening. I always think I will be too tired but if I have an arranged time, it helps. There is only one samaritans branch in the district, some miles from home, and they can be short of volunteers, so I arrange in advance to go and see them.

Before I headed out into the rainy night, I offered my landlady some fresh eggs from the farm, I wasn't sure of myself, shy, I didn't know if they ate eggs, but they like eggs, so that was good.

Sometimes talking to the Samaritans helps, sometimes it doesn't. This time I had to try, because this horrible depression and flashbacks won't lift without action. It helped to talk to a samaritan today. He listened and I talked, and he kept saying it was all amazing and incredible, it doesn't feel amazing or incredible to me, but it helps to be reminded that everything, the rough sleeping, the rebuild of my life, are remarkable and it isn't surprising I have bad patches.

I came home through the rain and wind, which are both heavy now, and talking helps my mind to quiet down, so that is why I go to the samaritans occasionally.
So now I will sleep.

Tomorrow looks wet, but I will do the farm, and hopefully the care home as well.

Thursday, 27 July 2017


Good evening peeps,

Here comes the boom is on Movie Mix, so I am watching that, old favourite.

Yesterday I went to work down the marina when the rain eased a bit. It was still damp and miserable, with the wind howling in the masts.

I felt tired and grotty.

Recently I come home and sit in the dark, so I did that. And I went to bed early.

This morning I crawled unwillingly to work, started on the cliff top, when my old lady got home from the doctor, she made me a cup of tea. There was a hard rain shower and I sheltered in her porch.

Then I went to the mansion, they had gone away and forgotten to tell me or pay me. And they had bolted one of the gates, so I could only do some work. For some reason the flashbacks are terrible when I am there, and they were today, but I woke to flashbacks and they have been bad all day, all week actually.

Then there was another rain shower.

I had Max booked in for testing at the service station at 2pm, so I had time to get lunch and tea up on the cliffs.
The wind was blowing the waves and my favourite cafe didn't mind seeing me in grubby work clothes and boots rather than the day clothes and study books that they usually associate me with. I enjoyed some time on the cliffs before taking the car in.

I like the service station, they greet me by name and offer me coffee. They took Max, which always makes me anxious, and Max seemed sulky. But he was OK, we have ruled one thing out.

After that, I headed for town, I usually order 5HTP online but I am severely depressed and can't wait, so I got some in town. I looked all round the shop and then found it by the counter, got some on special offer as well.
I always leave things, don't realise, until it becomes a problem, running out of 5HTP, needing a new pillow, needing to use an inhaler, I guess I must still dissociate a bit.

I have ordered a new pillow by the way, there is improvement in my sleeping, but I do need to keep my neck supported better as I don't think the worn down pillow is helping my health.

Anyway, I ended my working day at the farm, I mowed the orchards.
Then I fed the animals and put them away.

I came home, did fish and rice, put the washing on, and it is just lazy tv, I feel a bit better, maybe.

The washing is out, and I am gambling on being up early and getting the washing in before it rains tomorrow.

I am working down the marina with the boys in the morning, and I should be working for my old lady in the afternoon but I am likely to be rained off.

Wednesday, 26 July 2017

Wednesday morning

Good morning peeps.

Well I am rained off, but hopefully not for long.

I almost slept through the night, woke briefly but after a minute of distress, I was asleep again.

I woke this morning, wanting to hang on to the vague but comforting dreams, but I felt rested, I also had lingering pain from yesterday. But not too severe.

It was raining as promised, I headed for work anyway, but it was too rainy, too wet, so here I am home, just for another hour and a half, as I will try to work this afternoon.

It is no bad thing being home, as I was tired and in pain. Extra rest is good. I am watching 'Are you being Served'. I did fried egg sandwiches too, the house is full of eggs. I must start distributing them. Did I hear something about a protest at Lambeth Palace?

On the way home I was startled by a large object in the road, I was afraid it was a person, but it was an empty ton bag!
Of course I did my civic duty, I put Max's hazards on and grabbed the ton bag, and seeing as there was no owner in sight, I had to bring it home, so the boys will have a new ton bag with no holes in.

Tuesday, 25 July 2017


Good evening peeps,

Today wasn't the usual Take it Easy Tuesday, I worked hard today and I am aching too much, I could end up ill if I can't get the muscles to relax.

It was hot today as well.

I woke up this morning having slept through the night, which was awesome, but I was also depressed, as I was yesterday, so it was hard to think.

I went and did my old lady's garden first, she was happy as she was being taken on a day out, and she was just happy, so that was good, she went off and I mowed the lawns and cut things back.

Then the routine changed from normal as I had work for the property managers.
I headed over there, the sea was full and the sun was shining, so it was busy, I got lunch in a cafe, jacket potato and cheese with a mug of tea, nice cafe, that one, an old favourite.

The DIY shop had no decent brooms, so I went to the good hardware shop, I got a broom, and strolled up the road with it beside me, an old lady said I looked menacing, and I said I didn't mean to, and we laughed. I went in the shop for an ice cream, and they told me I didn't need to sweep the shop today, and we laughed. People are funny.

So I went to do this work, I hate it, I do that job a few times a year, clearing a car park, hate it. Got it done. The head kept coming off the new broom, so it didn't sweep clean. Can't put a nail in it, it has a wooden head and stem but a plastic bracket, which would break if you tried to hammer a nail in it.

On from there, I decided not to do the care home, but to do the farm instead, and be there to put the animals away when I finished.

I mowed the house lawns and some of the other lawns at the farm, but not the orchard, I was getting hot and tired and ill by then, so the orchard will wait. I fed the animals, put them to bed and collected the eggs, I had watered the greenhouse and veg patch as well.

I came home, so tired and aching, traffic wasn't too bad, it has got nuts recently with the start of grockle season.

I have been so tired, just cooked supper, caught up with Hollyoaks, talked online for a long time. Had a shower, and that is it, early night.

My boss and workmate have been trying to work out about tomorrow, we hadn't been able to get hold of the caretaker so we didn't know if I was to do the holiday cottage or the marina tomorrow and it is going to rain hard. The caretaker just texted that the holiday cottage is free from Thursday, which means I will do the marina tomorrow, if the rain is bad, I will do a half day and maybe some more on Friday.

Those of you survivors who are being directed to my blog, welcome. I don't know if this blog surprises you, because I do not live daily in a tirade against the church, I live a relatively normal life, which in itself is proof against the church and their horrific treatment of me and smearing of me.