This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well it was a struggle doing anything yesterday, apart from trauma, my tummy didn't settle after it's rude shock of no food after meds.

In the end, I tidied the flat, because it is better to do something than nothing.

And I watched Hollyoaks and went to bed.

Hollyoaks had a few interesting moments. The best Was Trevor and Sienna's little chat, especially when they parted company.

'You're not bad for a fruit loop, you're OK'

'As are you, for a psychopath'.

Then Freddy suddenly not knowing how to fix an engine, how silly. If an engine fires but doesn't turn, there is only so many things that can cause that, and most mechanics know other people in the trade who will help them out if they don't have the tools.

Hollyoaks is poorly researched, I know I am addicted but sometimes it really is rubbish, like Gabriel being buried in an old churchyard, and Tegan's parents, normally old churchyards like that are closed to burials apart from family reserved, and none of those people have family graves, I mean the graves Gabriel and the parents are in are new, on their own, among old graves.
And things like Patrick actually being allowed to go and physically take Minnie when he got custody, that would be against any normal social services protocols, crap as social services are.
And Jason and Ben always arresting their friends and interviewing them, etc, simply not allowed, a conflict of interests a bit like the police in Jersey and Winchester acting as private mafia for the church.
Anyone remember Ben taking Sienna for a ride in a police car and letting her wear his hat?
Why do I watch such a trashy soap? :)

Anyway, I had a restless night, having gone to bed at 8.30pm, fed up and miserable.
I woke and crawled round my papers, and came home to watch Hollyoaks on repeat, and the sun rose over the sea and turned the sea pink and now it is a cool, clear and sunny day, ideal to go out and do some distribution work after all that bad weather.

I am worried about money, my tax credits have gone even though I am working the hours for disabled tax credits, and I can hardly make ends meet any more.

Tuesday, 9 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well talk about disasterous!

Yesterday I battled round some distribution work in the howling wind.
And in the evening I had a miserable delivery driving shift, but at least I brought home enough money to get bread and petrol and do the washing today.

I went to bed exhausted and slept soundly until morning, although I was having deeply distressing nightmares about the diocese and their police.

It has been a crazy morning, I woke from nightmares before the alarm, probably because I was screaming in distress. So I decided to trot Florence up to the petrol station on the main road before doing the papers, I did that, got to the shop nice and early but the papers had been delayed for hours, so I had to come home and go back at 8am.
I get bewildered by my routine being changed.

At home I just tried to focus on today's tasks but I am too tired, I watched Hollyoaks and put the laundry together.
I started my meds and weigh and blood pressure but I realised I had no bread, nothing for breakfast, my breakfast is two slices of wholemeal toast with bertolli light, I don't have anything else. And the problem is, I need my breakfast very quick after I take the meds, so I hurried to the shop and got bread and hurried home to do my toast, too late, I got an upset tummy :(

Anyway, I had to get the washing to the laundry and go and do the papers, I don't like doing the papers so late as the main roads are busy with work and school traffic, we don't exactly get rush hour, but stopping to deliver papers causes great consternation and honking, it's the cars with those fish symbols on them that are the worst, old ladies doing v-signs and using the f-word because they are late for communion.

Anyway, I forgot to say the wind has dropped but it is pelting rain. What fun
I really want to go back to bed, but I will get distressed and have flashbacks if I do.

I have extensions on my assignments, and I do have a bit of work to do, but I think I need to rest.

Monday, 8 February 2016

Monday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday, after doing some work I settled to sitting in bad, watching movies and studying.
Bugsy Malone was on, and then some film called 'The Fist Daughter' which had Riley Finn in it, taking a break from the Army and Buffy to fall in love with the President's daughter.
Then Airplane was on again :)

I went to sleep but it was hard to get up this morning, I slept deeply and the bed was warm and I felt tired.
The wind was tearing around, but the rain stopped for a while. The wind had blown the dustbins over, and because I was running late, I was going to pick them up when I got home, but someone else had picked them up. The wind is blowing dustbins and debris around the streets.

When I go out to the gym, I will go and look at the sea :)
 What I can see of it from the window is wild, with ships trying to shelter in the bay. I am glad I am not on board a ship today.

 I am just watching Hollyoaks and airing the flat, the wind is blowing the net curtains wildly.

Sunday, 7 February 2016


Good Sunday, peeps,

Please excuse the lack of blog, but seeing as the diocese appear to be ogling my blog, presumably for another cover-up that they will claim to offered me a voice in, I thought I had better update.
 You know when I see that stat on the blog and I think - Fisher, Fisher's police, etc, what are they going to do to seriously harm me now?
 Especially when  the viewer comes onto this blog, it seriously makes me wonder if that is Fisher, waiting to see if her police have snuffed me out yet.
Any readers unfamiliar with the blog, I am not barking mad, Fisher is this bully who violated every scrap of my privacy and destroyed me for threatening the church's reputatation for being abused and reporting it, she destroyed me and got me a criminal record and I will never recover and I suffer trauma 24 hours a day as a result of the viciousness, the cowardice and the lies of Fisher and her police combined.

Anyway, lets talk about now.

Yesterday I had the papers done and was home before it was light, then I went to the gym, one of the instructors had seen me out running when she was out running so she was very enthusiastic and came to talk to me. I had a good workout, came home, drifted a bit, well I was supposed to be resting, and in the afternoon I went grocery shopping and got a few hours of work done.
Then in the evening I cleaned the flat.

This morning I woke from startling dreams about my mate, and sent him and email about that, then I did the papers, came home, had breakfast, and went running.
I ran for a long time alongside the stormy sea, the waves were crashing over the wall.
By the time I was coming back, it was glorious sunshine but very cold.

I watched the Hollyoaks omnibus and cooked fish and rice for lunch.
Now I am going to shower and then go down to the sea and then do some work before retiring to my bed with my university work, studying in bed with the tv on is very decedant, but I have been ill and haven't rested since, and my mum texted me and said 'have you rested?' I told her I had tried to rest, and she wasn't at all surprised, because you have to take my batteries out to stop me from hurtling around.

Friday, 5 February 2016


Hi peeps,

Well I have been well enough to spend some time with my Mum and also do two catchup runs, but I can see that the Church of England are up to some sort of harm to me, mainly by the fact that they are viewing certain posts on my blog and also the calls from witheld numbers, well, I have never stopped expecting another revenge police beating and imprisonment for standing up to them. So I have been having constant flashbacks and remembering horrible things that the church have done to cover up and shame and silence me.
And I gather that Ashenden is spouting some form of hot air, but that is all he is capable of, it is incredible how hard the CofE are battling to ensure that everything they do is against Christianity, against Jesus, while they vainly try to disguise it as Christianity, again the scene from C.S. Lewis's 'The Last Battle' comes to mind.

Anyway, at least I completed a week's work and runs and am on my feet, and I have been to see my Mum.
The only thing not balancing well is university as the past week has led to me dragging behind in my work.

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


Good Wednesday peeps,

I am really not well at the moment.
If I didn't have to work, I would be staying in bed.
No energy at all.

The weather is bright and sunny but also bitter and windy, it was lovely on the cliff this morning :)

peeps, I can't write much, I wish I wasn't so ill.

Tuesday, 2 February 2016


Hey peeps,

Feeling sad here.
Not just because this blog is winning the two-blog race for 50 and 100 :)
I miss my friend.

On the bright side, I have been doing OK with my two new lots of work, and I have only had to miss one run out of the three, and I will be catching that up on my own, using a timer that the trainer will lend me.

I feel ill and exhausted, a definite relapse, but I am keeping work going, and study, the flat is clean and tidy and I will go to diet and fitness tonight.

It is a nice sunny day here but I plod on and on when I want to sleep.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn't stop sleep, and the nightmares were horrific.

I was hoping to see my mum today but we have postponed until Thursday.

Life doesn't feel good.
I guess everyone feels like this sometimes.
At least I did jacket potatos with tomato for lunch :)

There is a parrot at the pet shop, and when I stopped to talk to it, it whistled rudely at a man walking past and then went silent and the man looked very disbelieving when I said it was the parrot and not me!

Monday, 1 February 2016


Good morning peeps,

Just a brief post.

Yesterday was the same as usual. An extended workout at the gym, tidying the flat during breaks in the Hollyoaks omnibus, a drive along the cliffs and bays.

Today I have been busy sorting out this new contract, which is actually employed rather than self-employed, and permenant rather than casual, it is a low earner but any work is better than none, and this evening I also try this new delivery job, and I have just been in contact with the athletics trainer to ensure I can complete my runs without them clashing with work, as we are supposed to be training three times a week this week and next.

The weather has remained quite wet and windy but I plod round the papers as normal. It was hard to get up this morning despite falling into bed and sleeping at 9pm last night, I slept deeply through the night.

This morning is all about paperwork and written and recorded tributes to my friend.
I got the washing to the laundry and got the new distribution work sorted, and I will be going to collect both the laundry and a bundle for distribution very shortly.

This evening is athletics - in theory, and then starting the new delivery work. I have been having words with my new satnav.

I hope to catch up again soon peeps, it isn't easy at the moment.
I may well be out for the day tomorrow, catching up with my adoptive mother and so on.

Saturday, 30 January 2016


Hey peeps.

Well just a brief catch up.
I don't feel well, maybe because I haven't eaten since this morning, how silly, time to cook.

Yesterday I had swim and gym and watched Hollyoaks and things, then my mum phoned and we talked for ages, but then I couldn't sleep for ages.
Then this morning I did the papers in the wind and rain, and then watched some rubbish on tv while I went through my normal routines.

Then I have been over at my mate's house watching DVDs but he forgot to get any food, so I have been shopping and haven't actually cooked yet.

Life feels a bit odd since my friend died, it is only a short time ago that she was still around and smiling and talking to me, so I am not sure what to do.

Friday, 29 January 2016


Hi peeps,

Just to say that I will not be online much for at least the next few days and that is nothing to worry about.

As you may have read, my friend died a few days ago and I do feel lost and confused but I am just keeping my routines as normal as possible and getting on with life.

Yesterday I soaked the shower curtain in bleach and hot water, because that needed doing, and I handed in a completed assignment, and I went to athletics, because they ran a catch up session for the four of us who couldn't make it on Wednesday.
Four of us ran and three of us completed the run, and I was second out of us three who ran.
So I am perfectly happy with that, because I had been joking with the trainer about snails and tortoises overtaking me.

I managed to get the television aerial point to work with a bit of amateur electrical work, well I have watched other people doing that kind of thing, but anyway, it means I have tv, and I watched Doc Martin last night until I slept.

This morning I woke tired and peaceful, and my mate texted me at 6am again to make sure I was OK and could cope with the day. Well yes, I am kind of OK, I am kind of not OK, because I can't focus, I keep going looking for someone or something that isn't there and getting frustrated because I can't find what I don't know what I am looking for.

I am also having showers of flashbacks about Fisher and her police, which makes it even harder to focus.
However, I have been studying this morning, a bit, in between wandering off.
And, I managed to accidentally pick up a distribution contract as well. Haha, gotta stop doing that.

The weather has been wild, and I stopped on the cliff when I was doing the papers this morning but although the sea was wild, the tide was out.
I am going to walk over to the sea in a few minutes.

I am also going to do a good old gym and swim very shortly.

Tomorrow I will go over to my mate's house and watch a DVD with him.
Apart from that, I will blog again as and when I can and don't worry, the silence isn't ominous.
My Mum texted to say she would phone me tonight, I asked what time and she said 8.80pm,
yeah, cheers Mum!

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well I was tired last night so I just went to bed as normal.

And I slept pretty much as normal. In fact my sleep was peaceful, and I didn't take my bite guard out during the night.

But it was strange because for some reason, I turned the lamp on during the night, and I barely remember doing it and don't remember why, I just remember something woke me and I thought it was morning and I switched the lamp on, but I hadn't switched the alarm off, thankfully.
While the lamp was on, I drifted in sleep and dreams, and still kept waking to look at the clock and be puzzled that it wasn't morning and the lamp was on.
I know the lamp was off when I went to sleep, and I am curious about having switched it on in my sleep but not having taken my bite guard out in my sleep like I often do.

I dreamed peacefully of the Channel Islands and some old friends.
And I woke to my mate texting me to make sure I was OK, just before the alarms started.
It was all rather strange and different but peaceful.

I went out to do the papers but the car was frosted over, and icy frost too, so I de-iced and did the papers.
I went to stand on the cliff and look at the sea in the dark, the moon was out, we have had lovely full moon and clear starry skies recently.

I still feel peaceful, but sad.
This is a normal neurotypical reaction to a death, I think.
What I found hard was that my friend made an effort to be OK for Christmas and has been sleeping most of the time since then, but I hadn't heard anything from her family for weeks and was reluctant to contact them but kind of waiting for any news was too hard. They said it was family only in those last few weeks, and I respected that.

The darkness of the early mornings is beginning to decrease slightly now, the burds are making a joyful racket at the moment. I feel like sleeping or driving, but I must complete my assignment.

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

wednesday evening

Hey peeps,

Well today I feel a it like I do when the church attacks, confused and unsure what to do.

It started difficult with me being tired from being out last night, then I have just struggled, rain, floods and roadworks prevented therapy.
so that was a bad start, I just have felt very much in relapse today, physically and mentally I have felt wrecked.
The weather was so bad I thought running would be cancelled but I asked for an alternative due to feeling so rubbish, and I will train tomorrow evening.
I got a small amount of work done but was too tired.
I watched Hollyoaks and it was depressing.

My electric meter started playing up.

I continued to work on my assignment, which is due in by midday tomorrow.
Then I got the phonecall about my friend.
And it has been rather confusing and hard to concentrate since then.
I have been talking to my adoptive mother, who is quite a distance away and ill with a cold, and another friend closer nearby.
I am tired, I will go to sleep at some point.
Sister act is on on E4 so I am vaguely watching it.

The Phonecall

Well the phone rang this evening,
I looked at it,
I knew, 
so I didn't answer

What is the point of hearing?
I already knew 
I felt that you had gone
no one needed to say anything

It was raining earlier
as I passed your home
all the cars were there
but I didn't drop in
out of respect for your family's needs

I can't write any eloquent poetry,
every day after Christmas
you surprised me by going on living
but we said goodbye that day before you deteriorated further
and slept most of the time

And my memory of you in the end
was that lovely Christmas day
sitting beside your bed
helping you unwrap your gifts
because your hands had no strength left
but we were happy

Even that day
you were telling me you were there for me
but that we both had our limits
you knew how I had been hurt in the past

You never ever hurt me or overstepped my boundaries
we never fell out or had a cross word
I remember the sunlight on the cliffs
as I walked to meet you peacefully at the end of a day's walking

I remember us sitting at the viewpoint
with our ice creams
and we watched the ships on the sea
and just talked
and that is what friendship looks like
isn't it?

Are you really dead?
or will I wake up when you ring me
and ask first of all how I am,
you worried about me sometimes
when I was sick
even when you got so much more ill than I am

I couldn't stop you worrying and caring
but I accepted it as part of our friendship
and no guilt from the church could change
our care for each other from being genuine 
 a friendship that their damnation of me 
could never change

The best days were when we were out in the garden
you would bring a tray of tea and make a fuss
about my work and my life
and I would ask how your day had been 
we always had something to talk about
without any sadness or distress, usually laughter

I remember when you weren't as used to my humour
as my parents are,
so when I forgot I was with you and not them
and suggested cannabis as a hanging basket plant
you looked at me 
but I just laughed and laughed
and you did too

you supported me through everything
as I rebuilt my life
and it wouldn't have been possible without you
what more can I say?

Goodnight love,
sleep tight.




Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I weighed in good at the diet and fitness place, then I came home and grabbed a quick supper of tasty spicy quorn paella.
Then I went out in the wind and the rain for a pleasant evening out with my friend.
We enjoyed the evening but I didn't get back home until 11pm which is late for me.
Driving home through the rain and wind was daunting when I was tired, but Florence stopped hiccuping as she had nortily been doing, and drove smoothly and quietly as the wind blew the rain almost horizontal over the roads in the quiet dark.

I slept well, with a strange chaotic dream about some old friends.

I woke having slept well but reluctant to extract myself from the warm bed. The mattress topper is making my body less painful but my head and neck are still not wonderful with the new pillow, although, to be fair, it is better than bundling old pillows together to try to support my neck without hurting it.

Anyway, so it was a yawning 6.45 when I got to the paper shop, the boss was cheerful, he said one of my customers was very happy with getting their paper so early, so the boss gave me a chocolate bar.
I am allowed the occasional chocolate bar, and it has less calories if it is a gift anyway.

So I did the papers in the still wild weather.
Then I came back here to catch up with Hollyoaks on E4 catchup online, seeing as I was out last night.

Oh Holloaks! what a devastating episode! Oh no!
That was as devastating as it was possible to be. I was nearly in tears, oh poor Jack sobbing at the end. No, that was singularly the most upsetting and emotional episode ever.
To be honest, I would have been happier if they hadn't woken Jade up, just kept the dream as reality.

Anyway, I have another too-busy day today, I have therapy, as long as it hasn't been cancelled due to the weather and the inaccessibility due to roadworks etc, one way or another, it is looking tricky.
 And I have athletics, also weather-dependant, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind too much, as I also have some work to do, an assignment to finish, and a tutorial.

The weather remains wild, with flooding in places.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016


Good lunchtime,

Well yesterday I was working on this assignment most of the time.
My new mattress topper arrived, so I fitted that.

In the evening I went to what I thought was a meeting about delivery driving, it turned out it wasn't with the company who gave me the trial, it was with another company with a similar name, and I had been expecting to work immediately but they didn't need me to start straight away, so I went for a drive, and did some shopping and went to the gym.
I was supposed to have time off from gym, but I went to ask again if anyone had handed in my beloved missing jumper, and it turned out they had, I knew I had left it there!
So I did a gym session, quite a challenging cardio and added another 25 reps to my lateral pulldown so I did 125 reps there.

Then I came home and caught up with Hollyoaks online and went to sleep.

I woke up feeling the benefit of the mattress topper but still feeling a bit ill, so I did the papers, was back by 6.45 and went back to bed until 11am.

I have been down to the sea, the waves are smashing over the wall :)
Florence already had a wash this week.

The wind and rain are picking up now, and I have to drive 8 miles to town tonight to escort my mate to a show, I don't look forward to being out in the weather but I look forward to seeing the show with my mate.
I also intend to go to diet and health tonight before that, and I had a weigh this morning and it is really good.

I really must get on with this assignment, it is half-written but quality is what matters.

Monday, 25 January 2016

Monday morning

Good morning peeps,

The computer is playing up today

Well yesterday I had an extended workout at the gym and, sat by the sea for a while and then watched the Hollyoaks omnibus.
I couldn't find the communal hoover, so during the advert breaks, I swept the carpet bit by bit, and mopped the floors. I also peeled and chopped potatos and carrots for lunch.

After Hollyoaks I wiped the surfaces and made lunch, fish with roast potatos and four kinds of veg, washed down with zero coke.

I washed Florence and checked her oil and water and topped up the windscreen wash.

Then I watched Home Alone 2, and started my university work, preparing this assignment that is due in this week.
And then I watched the big bang theory as I continued my work and did a lot of paperwork too.

I slept quite well last night, but I dreamed my friend had died but even though she was dead, she was everywhere I went, and my adoptive mum was there too to comfort me.

I woke up this morning feeling like I had slept well, and I was wide awake before the alarms, so I got up and had my cuppa and went to do the papers, so I was home by 6.30.

That meant I had time to get a shower and breakfast and start my supplementary university work before taking the washing to the laundry at 8am.

The washing is on and I am still ploughing through university work, one more module and then all I have to do today is get on with the assignment and also do some distribution work and go to see the people this evening about the delivery driving job.

Wow, I need a few minutes of drifting and not focussing at all, have a good day, peeps.
Quorn sausages with beans for lunch, anyone want to come over?

Sunday, 24 January 2016


Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday I went to the gym, all I did was some resistance stuff really, leg and stomach press, lateral pulldown and treadmill on level 25, which is like walking up a steep slope.

My new pillow arrived, and what a crazy amount of packaging.

And I spent most of the day working on an assignment and studying, yay.

In the evening I got a call from the people who kind of kept me as a reserve driver, they want to take me on as a driver. yay! I have to see them tomorrow evening. That has confused things with the freelance distribution work I have taken on, but the delivery driving is a better bet.

Anyway, so I tried out my new pillow but it hasn't really helped, I hope that when I get the mattress topper so my whole spine is better supported, it may be more beneficial then.

My dreams were chaotic but I woke into flashbacks, my flashbacks have been constant recently.

I got up and did the papers, it is a mild and damp morning.
The gym isn't open yet, but I hope to do my running routine again on the treadmill and a mild weights workout. To be honest I shouldn't do gym today but who cares? I may swim today as well, and then tomorrow I will have a total rest from exercise, unless I cycle round some distribution work or bike along the seafront, which would be nice.

Today I will focus on assignment work as well. And a quick hoover and mop, I am trying to have a quieter day as I seem to be doing a lot at the moment.

Saturday, 23 January 2016

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Good morning,

Yesterday I enjoyed an extended and hard gym session, part of what I did was I followed next week's running routine, only on the treadmill, it was harsh and I can still feel it, and it will be even harsher on the running track. But because I am changing my diet and fitness venue and day, I may start doing repeat runs on Monday nights.

Yesterday evening I did some work, and also watched Hollyoaks online.Hollyoaks has been a bit dramatic, with Trevor's return and his subsequent near-death, probably at Ben's hands, and then Jade's hospital results and then Mrs St.Claire's obvious crush on Jean-Paul after he resolved things. But Trevor's flashbacks when Jade and Alfie were doing their Bottle Rocket was the most dramatic, it reminded me so much of my flashbacks.
Those of you who don't know, I like Trevor even though he is a monster, but I think it is unfair that he settled to run the club and raise his family and now he has been going through all this.

Well, I was having flashbacks or premonitions last night, it has been a few months since the Church of England trashed my life, and they usually do it in the run up to a General Synod, so I wouldn't be surprised.
So, as you will see if you read the other blog, I was being creative when I should have been asleep :) How norty.

This morning I sleepwalked my way to the papershop and zombied peacefully round my round, then I had to go and pick up my meds, including a new med that may or may not work miracles. I am glad to have a new Fostair inhaler, I had run out and I really need my lungs these days.

I am hoping that today or in the next few days, I will get a delivery of a mattress topper and an orthapedic pillow. I asked an osteopath's advice on pillows as my neck is so sensetive that I can't stand a firm pillow which would support my neck and a soft pillow isn't going to support my head. The advice I was given is that this is a well known problem and there are special soft-ish pillows available that provide enough support for those of us with such necks.
I sleep each night but I am not comofortable.

Anyway, this morning I had the delight of seeing the Church of England making fools of themselves, as they periodically do!

I have been watching Hollyoaks this morning and also went shopping. I can now recommend Hummus chips as tasty healthy vegetarian snacking :)

My basket of shopping was so different from the old days on benefits and not able to watch what I ate because I just needed to eat whatever I could afford.
Old Days: reduced label anything that would do as a meal - old bread, pizza, sugar so that I could have tea with sugar in even when there was no food but it didn't matter what I ought as long as it had been reduced in price to a point where I could buy it.
These Days: (today): canderel tablets, small wholemeal loaf, skim milk, vegeterian gluten free snacks, Linda McCartney Vegetarian sausages, fry-lite, vegetables :)

The weather is kind of undecided today after yesterday's rain and wind.
I am having a lazy day, I am aching so no gym today.

Friday, 22 January 2016


Good morning,

Well I slept quite well and woke up to a windy, rainy day.

Before doing the papers I had various emails and office things to do, but there is no hurry, I have between 6am and 7.30 to turn up at the shop for my papers, unlike when I was doing the rural routes and had to be there, at the other end of the bay, for 6.30. I normally get there for 6.30ish, but this time I was a bit later, and it was local paper day, but no hurry.
I was back here by about 7.25, having stopped for food and coins for the electric meter on the way.
I have been getting through a lot of electricity recently in the cold weather, just trying to keep myself and the flat warm.

So here I am in a clean and tidy flat, it is getting light and the wind and rain continues.
I have gym and maybe swim this morning, I am always trying to figure out what causes relapses and I am worried that swimming may be a factor. I used to have bad relapses when I swum regularly, so maybe it asks too much of my body.
Yesterday was a relapse day, everything I tried to do was like swimming in treacle, so I was on painkillers and 5HTP.
In the evening I went to the gym just to get out of the house, and I did 10 minutes on the treadmill.
And I have been catching up with Hollyoaks online as I am still without a television.

I gather that the church of england are deciding for us whether or not we should be in the EU, I think as non-church of england people are in a massive majority now, we should decided if the church of england should stay in the UK, I mean, Jersey is the waste bin for their clergy, Jersey is a rich finance industry place, so why don't we deport the church of england to the channel islands? Then they won't have to worry about the EU.
Isn't it funny that Senator Gorst thinks he has any right to speak about the EU? Jersey isn't in the EU, and you get all those furious Jerseymen spluttering about England being a foreign country and forgetting that they use our hospitals and other facilities with impunity.

ranting? :)

Thursday, 21 January 2016

Thursday morning

Good morning peeps,

I am loving getting back so early from the papers. There is no pressure for me to get there and do the papers early but it is almost automatic, I set out about 10 minutes later than when I was doing the rural routes and I can be back by 7.05 or so.
I went to bed early but had a restless and painful night, this is called ' a relapse' at the moment, while I am ill and tired and not sleeping well, but it is not severe as I was OK on the running track yesterday.

I hardly remember my dreams, chaotic and meaningless but I woke early, one alarm wasn't going off, and funnily enough that woke me up to wonder why.
A dead battery.

I got up, painful but not sleepy.

I was quickly dressed and combed and ready to go, and outside there was no frost, it was milder, cloudy and damp, but I had taken the bike keys, not the car key, and I am driving the round for the moment, so I had to nip back for the car keys.

The man on the radio said that the discrepancies in temperatures were strange today, coast areas are warm and inland and mainland is very cold.

Well, lucky us, it is not too cold at last. I don't mind the cold but I can't heat the flat very well and although it isn't freezing, while I am ill I can't find the energy to cope with the cold.

Anyway, so I got through the papers very quick, and on the last few, I stopped on the cliff and looked at the incoming tide in the dark and the lights on the front and down the hill and noirmont all dark with the little warning light beaming. You can see the French coast this morning, a string of beads lit up.
The sky was split into dark cloud one half and lighter cloud allowing the dawn to start showing on the other half.

I came home and I am sitting here looking out into the still dark and damp streets, down to the ships' lights on the sea and listening to 'Blue Wonderful', I have so much study and stuff to do but it is hard to be motivated at the moment.

My blood pressure has dropped so much that I haven't been able to take Ramipril this week or my blood pressure would drop too low, it's really strange.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

Wednesday evening

Good evening,

Well I have been considering this Elton John song during the day, and at first I didn't like the video because I didn't feel comfortable with the way the pretty, tastefully dressed girl was moving, but actually, watching the whole video, I understand it more and more, I guess it means something to me. I don't always approve of Elton John but he is a great artist and I do like this song and video and what it reminds me of.
It's funny, one of my Jersey songs was 'Passengers' but not because of the wierd video.
But this is my newest favourite song:

Anyway, I was heading out of the house to therapy this morning but my landlady was here and she tried to fix my television and the aerial unsucessfully.
So I was running late heading for therapy and the road was closed :(
The diversion didn't work, so I got to therapy late, which was a stress, but the hospital asked if me and my therapist could talk about my stress levels, so that was an ideal start point!

Therapy was good, and then I went and collected my new glasses. At last!
They are OK, they need tightening slightly but they are so clear compared to the others and they look a bit better too.

I came home and did some lunch and waited for someone to come and see me, a team leader was to visit me about self-employed work, and by the time she got here, I was nearly readyty to leave and go to the running track, so we had a rushed but successful meeting. I will be working for her.
And then I headed for running, not really prepared and not feeling wonderful. But I managed it!
I have completed week 3! It's 3 of 9 now but there are repeat options, and by the time we get to week 5, I will probably have to repeat weeks.

I came home cold and shivering and tired and forgot to do my blood pressure, the machine throws a fit when I try to measure it after running anyway.
But then I had online tutorials straight away, no time for hot showers or sorting myself out, so I sat and shivered through tutorials.
I think I will go to bed now, I have lived enough for one day.

Wednesday morning

Good morning peeps,

Well this morning I had expected the frost to be worse than yesterday, as the forecasters were gloomily forecasting it.

But after a restless night I stumbled outside to de-ice Florence, and she wasn't too bad, well she was frozen over, but easier to de-ice than yesterday.
And the air wasn't as cold as yesterday, and the pavements weren't as white.
I got the round done in record time and here I am, in bed and typing.

The Church blog statted high last night because people were quoting my statement all over twitter, thanks guys :)

Yesterday as I drove back along the cliffs, this rare new Elton John song came on, and I like it, I am adding it to my sound track of now:
The advert before the song tends to be horrible metal, and I am not sure about the video but I like the song.

It occured to me that Elton John does a lot of songs about colours. Another of his sound track of my life now is 'Tiny Dancer'  and one of the only Jersey songs that reminds me of the churchwarden is 'goodbye yellowbrick road':

There are a whole load of other songs by Elton John with colours in. He obviously finds it a good song subject.

Today I have therapy, and running track this evening if I feel up to it, I do feel a bit better.

Tuesday, 19 January 2016


Good evening peeps,

Today has been a waste of a day and I am going to bed soon.

I feel tired and ill, as far as I know this is another relapse. So I will just have to weather it, and speaking of weather, the flat is too cold.
I did the papers this morning, Florence was iced over but I have more de-icer now, I was home from the papers by 7.10am.
And I did have a study breakfast but apart from that and making good progress with the council and Student support regarding my financial and study difficulties, I have had a wasted day as I have been too tired to do much, and too depressed.

I did go up onto the cliffs this afternoon, and the sun was bright on the sea, too bright, I have felt worse with the bright sunlight.  I enjoyed a pot of tea while I watched the sea.
The thing that amused me was the paddleboarders on St. Ouen's.
If you can't surf, just give it up, you look silly standing on a surf board with a paddle.

I am wearing my thermal vest now and warming up, but I think a hot shower and bed are the only real options.

Tomorrow I have therapy and athletics if I am fit.