This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Tuesday, 25 October 2016


Good evening peeps,
I found a whale's tail in the sky this evening, do you like it?

Yes, that is outside my home you nosey voyeurs. Seeing as the Church's police know where I am, I am not exactly in hiding any more.

Well I have been feeling a bit under the weather. Yesterday's news was a bit of a shock.
I have been on study leave today, working with my music.
I have got a lot done, and I was all set up for my music lesson this evening and my teacher cancelled at the last minute due to having unexpected visitors from afar.

Jersey Police doing what they do best

Source, JEP. The police have been so nasty to me that I like their stupidity to be out in the open sometimes.  They crashed their car.


Monday, 24 October 2016

Father of All of Us - In loving memory and tribute to a Great Christian Man

I came home this evening,
went through my usual routines,

I didn't know that you had died,
I had supper, had a shower, unaware.

Then I saw the news,
I saw that you had gone.

I sat and remembered you,
remembered that quiet 5am when you were praying,
but you stopped to comfort me in my distress,
long ago now, long ago.

Didn't we have fun, back then, long ago?
Helpless with laughter over police and bees?
A break from our prayers and devotions,
but laughing as brothers and sisters in Christ.

As I sit here I am trying to remember anything you said,
but my mind keeps going blank and drifting away.
I feel sad. I feel the grief that so many are feeling now,
because the world has lost a great man, and Heaven has gained him.

I know that you are having the time of your life up there,
and you know you won't be separated from your dearest forever,
but here on earth, many are crying, many are sad,
we will miss you and your singleminded cause, which we all learned from.

Happy Homecoming to you. 
Is it as amazing as you hoped?
I can hear you saying  'yes,
it is even better!'

But humanity is such that we will grieve,
We will miss you.
Father of all of us,
Your words and teaching will live on for us and in us, forever.


Good evening peeps,

Monday is chain gang day, as you know.
I woke up feeling ill, which is not ideal for a day of hard physical work.

It was dark when I set off for work, almost as if it was October or something.

There were just two of us working on the estate on this cold grey day, but we were just fine. Normally I don't have any tea or coffee all day on the estate, but today I got a tea before work, and when we stopped for an early lunch, my team mate was going to get coffee, so I gave him the money to get me one too.
This meant I had to go to the loo three times during the day. Well actually a whole bottle of fruit squash and a can of cream soda probably contributed to that as well.

Anyway, because although there was a threat of rain, we managed to get the mowing, strimming and blowing done without any rain falling.
By afternoon, when we were weeding, the rain came in, and in the end we called an early finish, which was no bad thing.

It was nice to come home to chicken and wedges and salad and lots of coffee.
I am aching but I don't care. Some books sold while I was out, especially 'Wanderer' books, which inspires me to crack on with the fourth book in the series.
But from now until the 5th, my priority is music.

So anyway, Jade's death in Hollyoaks? As you know, Jade and Alfie have been my favourites since Trevor died. Yes I did cry when Jade died. Well, maybe I was reminded of my friend's death earlier this year.  Jade was always a sweet and good-natured girl and sometimes I think Hollyoaks shoot themselves in the foot.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

In case no one's told you lately

Hearing from old friends

Good evening peeps,

Me and Max were just out playing on the bay in the wild windy night, oh it is so beautiful.
The white foam of the waves against the darkness and the lights of the ships sheltering in the bay. Awesome. In all the pain and harshness of this life, there are still glimpses of wonder.

This week has been one of old friends.
Earlier this week I heard from some people who used to look after me on the streets, they sent me a nice inspirational email.
Then today we got to catch up with the Car's Best Friend as he did some work on Max, he told us Florence's news.
Florence is now owned by an elderly gent who only drives her to and from the sailing club. I can just imagine that, them pottering slowly along, enjoying retirement...with a line of honking traffic behind them. I wondered why I hadn't seen Florence out and about, I am not often down that way. Anyway, happy semi-retirement to F.P. Nortycar, her younger brother Max has taken the reins with willingness and cheer.

Then this evening, the nice lady who I worked with last winter emailed and said she may have some work for me in November and December. Awesome.

Apart from that, life is as mad as ever. I have just put an assignment in, which means one module is clear of assignments this term, and the other just has two, but they are challenging.
Next weekend I am on day school and eating the university library as well, and I hope to see my adoptives while I am there. The weekend after is the big music exam. EEK! Two weeks to go!

This weekend has been disrupted but I have got a lot done. Tomorrow I am on chain gang duties and I hope to have a study leave day on Tuesday.

I didn't sleep much last night, so I am tired now. I had better do my piano practice before my eyes close.

Thursday, 20 October 2016


Hey peeps,

I am battling depression at the moment and I had to give up on work.
It doesn't help that the crooked police complaints department contacted me yesterday and today.
Someone must have kicked them into action.
I told them I fancied the chief constable.

In case you are wondering what happened with me and the police, it was the church of england trying to avert my civil legal action. Tough shit.

I will believe in the police the day that they arrest Jane Fisher and charge her.

Anyway, I tried to go to work but I couldn't.

I have had some 5HTP and chocolate, and I will just spend the day working on short story contest deadlines and music revision. The floor needs a mop too.

I may also do a bit more with The Wanderer's Diary book 4. Which is sitting on 50,000 words unedited and is not in this week's schedule.

Yesterday I went to work, worked well, and then went up on the cliffs, the cold and sea and smoke and sky were awesome, I love this time of year.

I mainly did music revision yesterday, until my eyes were closing, and I fell into bed and slept.

Hey peeps,

I just told professional standards that their chief constable is eye candy and I want a signed photo. Do you think they will get me for that/
Joking aside, I wouldn't put it past those brutes.

Tuesday, 18 October 2016

In Jersey they just shoot you...

I am rained off for the moment and I am working on a student consultation paper for the university. I am one of the student volunteers who works with this stuff and I am supposed to be commenting. How about this comment - 'Try writing this stuff in English!'

I was just thinking about my police sting article, and as a good creative writing student, it led to other memories.

We had flown to the Devon for the weekend, from Jersey.
The conversation turned to fixed speed cameras on the A303.
'Oh, we don't have those in Jersey' He told them smugly.

'No speed cameras? So what if you get speeding drivers?'

'Well the police just stand on the bridge with a gun and shoot them'.

True story.

And don't put it past SOJP, they were left over from the occupation.
'When they liberated Jersey, they forgot about the police'.

Monday, 17 October 2016

Police Sting

Well peeps,

In the dark earliness of 7am this morning I was setting off for work, because I had to go and grab my mower from where it was residing 10 miles away before work.
On the radio a police sting was being mentioned. I think the police are mean enough without stinging people anyway.
Apparently there are a million uninsured drivers on the roads. Well I hope they aren't all in our district, but anyway, the police get to sting them, cos the police are mean, I know wasps have stings because when I work on the estate I am often reminded of this due to the massive wasps nest there.

Anyway, in the yawning early morning I grabbed my mower at 7.30 and headed to meet the boss for 8am. I had trouble finding the place we were meeting. He typically throws road names at me, rattles them off and leaves me to sink or swim, which can be fun, and I always find the place, eventually. I was getting worried by the time I found him, and it was also pouring with rain!

Anyway, we tethered Max and left him chewing grass, my car is a good little Fell Pony, very content.
We leaped aboard the van and we were off! And it was still raining as we trekked over to the lockup to get the ride-on mower. The rain was making the day look doubtful as we would be grass cutting all day.

As we had driven to the lockup, there had been a traffic cop standing by the road, and I commented as it seemed strange as he had no speed gun.
Well we found out why he was standing there on the way back!

The Police were stinging people.

They pulled our works van over and checked if we needed stinging.
Did you know that the police can tap your wheel nuts with a hammer in order to see if you are stingworthy? I bet you never thought you would read that on a blog!

I am pleased to say that the wheel nuts did nothing suspicious and the police got wet in the rain before they very politely wrote out a form that said that they had checked if we needed stinging but we were good honest gardeners and it was raining so they would not sting us today.
They didn't notice any of the illegal immigrants clinging to the bottom of the truck. Phew.

So off we went, now running late and with the heavy rain the day was looking more and more doubtful, but we made a decision to proceed.

It was a good decision despite the grass being wet, the rain eased to the occasion torrential outburst and we worked very hard to catch up as it was 9.30! By the time we got onto the grass.
By 2.30 that afternoon, that park was neatly mowed, strimmed and blowed. And the weather was better.
So we went to do another one, before heading to drop the ride-on mower and my mower at the lockup.

So that was my day. Here I am home, and the Simpsons has been cancelled, so I will just tell the whole world about the police stinging people. I have not seen anyone get stung by police before, and I don't know if they survive, but I once strimmed through a wasps nest so maybe it is like that.

Friday, 14 October 2016

Of course none of that applies to me, but it is funny.

Oh but peeps, I did something funny today. I split my trousers when I vaulted over the church wall. The workmen are probably still laughing.

Shall we go back to Jersey then?  Ahh, never forget, precious memories.

Thursday, 13 October 2016

The Anniversary Trip part 2

What happened that day
It will never leave you
that day your heart was broken
and everything that you loved was ripped away.

Here I am, here you are,
hands reaching from the present to the past
a grip stronger than iron,
no-one can take our memories away

So we are here on the shore of St. Clements Bay.

Tuesday, 11 October 2016

The Anniversary Journey part 1

You have to take out a mortgage for breakfast at Southampton Airport!

I took a photo of the Southampton Airport sign, but it was spoiled by boastful island pretending to be a holiday destination instead of an insular bubble full of egomaniacs.

We walked into the airport as we have every year on this day, To wait for the arrival. The lone and destroyed Jersey abuse victim. No one can arrive alone and having been destroyed and imprisoned and left homeless and destitute. No-one should have to do that. So hands reach out from the future to the past.

That's HG.

What we are doing is knitting the massive psychological wound. A wound that will never be properly mended but can, with time, become bearable. Although the onslaughts against HG by the Church and States of Jersey means that there may not be time, However, commemoration, memorial, outlet for grief, are all good reasons for the anniversary journey tradition to continue.

We have planes, shall we take one?

Lets go and see Uncles Phil and Ian and friends and have stern words with them about their very norty behaviour. I approve of norty as long as it is norty but nice, but they are real norty step material. Not Nice At All.

We slow down and glide, and I look
my island, clear and sharp against the blue sky
this is my home, this is all I have known
this is my island, and I have come home

Wednesday, 5 October 2016


Good morning peeps,

I am just having a break. I have had a bad morning, apart from work so far, which went fine.
I just feel awful. I dragged myself to work at some unearthly hour without even having a shower first because I couldn't wake up. I don't know why because I went to bed early and my dreams weren't enthralling.
I dreamed I was on another planet and the aliens were police. And they all had autism and reactive attachment disorder so none of them cared about anyone, they couldn't even be bothered to arrest me.
One of them was a dog handler but his dog was a Pitbull and I told him I wanted a police hat, so he gave me a police hat and I said how did I look with it on? And he said 'Ugly'.

Anyway, I have been working in the howling wind, and I have decided to take my study books up to my favourite cafe on the cliffs for lunch. Unfortunately the wind means that I won't be allowed to sit outside, but that's OK, I can sit in and study and then spend as much time as I like out on the cliffs after lunch.

Did you know I have been a published author for six weeks and no-one has asked for a nortygraph yet?!

Tuesday, 4 October 2016


Hey peeps,

It has been a month since that first police attack and I don't feel any better. Right now I just want to cry.
Why has my life been taken off me by my abusers and their police again?

Today has been a busy day. I was up at about 5.30, getting stuff done before work, then work, then my study has all been music today, and I had a very good piano lesson, my playing has improved a lot.
I have been trying to study now, but I feel too bad.


Good morning peeps,

Well yesterday was a long hard day on the gardening team, I can work as hard as I used to but I still have to use a pain pen and ice and painkillers at the end of the day.

I was tired when I got home, so I didn't get much studying done.

I went to the shop and ended up chatting to an assistant who works in music in his spare time, a bit like I am a writer in my spare time, it doesn't make a living so we still need our day jobs.

I went to bed early and slept well, and I feel alright this morning. I am just doing paperwork and bills before work.

Oh, someone has hit Max and scratched his front bumper, very sad, Max is a good boy. I only noticed when we were sitting on the kerb eating our lunch yesterday.

It is glorious autumn weather, I love the light blue autumn skies and the cool weather. It makes me feel happier, if only the fear of the church's police wasn't overwhelming.

Sunday, 2 October 2016


Good evening peeps,

Just a brief update.
I don't want to go on about the police but they have left me living in fear.
It's hard to start the new University year living in fear.

Yesterday was pouring rain and I did a library induction at uni.
Then I won a short story contest that I had entered a while back.
So I did another short story competition.
Those of you who don't know, short stories are a way of building your skill and credibility as an author.

My landlord has been round all weekend as we have had plumbing problems and water where water should not be.
He will be laughing about the police incident for the rest of his life. Either he or I or both will include it in a book. I am sure it will be in the sequel to 'Coming Home' unless the police kill me or imprison me.

I have begun university and of course I was head starting so I am mainly ahead on the work despite the police issues.

Today I didn't have washing or Max to wash, so I finished editing The Wanderer Book 3, and sent it for proofing. It's about 78,000 words, I am keeping these books' word counts down a bit because of costs and the fact that it is a series.

It was such a beautiful day but I wasn't sure where to go, so when my mate emailed, I went over to his house and we had a scrumptious Sunday dinner.

All I have left to do is music theory revision. I have done everything else and my piano practice.

My work bag is by the door, my work clothes are laid out ready, and tomorrow I am back on the chain gang.

Night at the Museum 2 is on. It has been a goodish film weekend.

Friday, 30 September 2016

I couldn't resist...Because this is the kind of shit I am getting

Coming Home

We are on 'El Paso' again, you may recognize it as one of  my 'visiting Jersey' themes

My love is stronger than my fear of death

everything's gone in life, nothing is left

It doesn't just relate to Jersey any more.

I don't know if I documented it on the blog but I made a decision a few years ago.

I was looking at the Eastern Hills, they run North to South and are lighter green than the Great Hills. I was looking at the Eastern Hills and thinking.

I took a great risk in leaving the streets and trying to settle.
But I took that risk because I hoped that the focus on the Church of England and the public knowledge of their failures albeit distorted by pathetic reports and press releases, would stop them from coming after me and destroying me again.
Sadly I misjudged that, and they have never stopped destroying me.

But I made a decision to settle and to love my home. And that decision to love was a very difficult one. I have reactive attachment disorder but that affects my attachment to people more than places, but having had my life in Jersey violently ended and then being driven from my lifelong friends and community in Winchester and left on the run with Jane Fisher pursuing me through the authorities with slander, feeling safe staying in one place is almost impossible,
 But despite the persistence of the Church in harming me, I made up my mind to love this place and settle, in the full knowledge that the love and security would, without any doubt, eventually be destroyed by the church and their associated authorities that they control.

In my situation, love and settling here has made me vulnerable and enabled further harm to me, and in the end, the inevitable police tracing and police attacks started.

But I chose to love this place in full knowledge that that would happen.
Why? Because I didn't want to go on being rootless and I wanted what time I could have here before the attacks started. I wanted what time I could have here, and it was a fair and honest choice.
It is one time in my life when I weighed the odds, saw that they were against me and decided to love despite the odds. It was a significant decision for me, and although it has led to me being open to attack, I don't regret it.

 Fisher drove me out of the churches here with slander and humiliation as she did in Jersey and Winchester, but that was no great loss, because I already knew better than to believe in churches and life has been much better and more productive without them, I love being a real person rather than someone that the church patronizes and looks down on and tries to control.

I wanted to be here, my love is a vague feeling, because my emotions and ability to feel are shattered by what has happened to me. But I love this place, because I choose to. It is a conscious love and maybe manufactured, but with willingness, still genuine love.

I chose to love this place for as long as I was allowed to. I loved Jersey dearly for three years and I still do, and this place isn't a replacement for Jersey, it is totally different, but it is my home.
And I am too tired and ill to go on the run and sleep rough, so now the attacks have started, I will stay and I guess I will die here. I don't mind this being where I die, it aint half bad ere, which is why I chose it. A few of you will know or remember the story of how I chose my home or it chose me.
'The Girl and the Island'?  Back then love was out of the question, a dangerous and horrifying idea.

The Girl and the Island is a true story apart from the mentions of 'Peter' which were happily distorted, and a slight timescale warp with the dream.

El Paso

My love is stronger than my fear of death

And remember peeps, when they kill me, I have suffered too much to ever recover or have a normal life, it will be a relief to stop struggling. And I guess if I die here I die having come home?

No land ever claimed me
though far I did roam
For it's here that my heart lies
and I have come home!

And finally.

I am Bob Hill
I will fight until I fall
With Courage

Thursday, 29 September 2016

Even when you died
oh the press still hounded you...

They set you on a treadmill
and they made you change your name...

I fought the law and the law won

The police do not look after my 'saftey'

Unfortunately the police are renewing and strengthening their attack on me on behalf of the Church of England, and I probably won't be blogging for much longer.
This may well be my last post.
As you know, I did my best to rebuild my life and live an honest life, but the murderous church won't be satisfied until I am dead.

Tuesday, 27 September 2016


Hey peeps,

I haven't felt too good today.
It has rained and I stayed at home and ached and felt low.

I collected proof copies of both 'Tip of the Iceberg' books, as well as a revision of 'Coming Home' and the proof of the first 'Wanderer' book, which has turned out nicely.
The only problem with the books today is that they have left the title page out of Goodnight Anna and have not sent the replacement copies of 'Breaking Silence' still.

Peeps, never publish 11 books all at once, it is crazy.
However, I came home and a few books have sold while I was out. Great.

I am trying to get into university mode but the depression and trauma over the church is overwhelming.
I have a music lesson this evening but the police attack now some weeks ago, trashed my music and lessons for so long.

Monday, 26 September 2016


The stalkerstat is still leaping on the blog.
When I say stalkerstat, I mean someone in Hampshire, presumably connected to the church, who repetitively views my blog. I tend to screenshot it so that the evil vile church can't make me out to be insane again. Well, they do that, but even so.

Have you ever published two books and done a hard day's work in the same day?

Well I woke at 4.50am and finished editing the Wanderer 2. Then I sent it for publishing.

Then I went and did a very hard day's work on the gardening team. Thankfully we have gained a new team member, a young man who is very hard working and good at the work, such a relief. We got a lot done today and I generally had a good day. But as usual I am aching and need ice and painkillers.

I got home and published 'A Walk in the Dark' in private circulation.

Did you know, I now have 11 publications, some in private circulation, some in public circulation? That is if you don't count duplicate e-books, which would make it more.
But I have a lot more to do, and the most important ones are not out yet.

Hollyoaks is silly today. The young people drinking, very boring.

Saturday, 24 September 2016


My shadow in the fading light
is reaching out towards the night

oh well the air is cold
and yonder lies my sleeping soul
by the branches broke like bones
oh this weakened tree no longer holds

Peeps, things are really bad.

But anyway, I dreamed a lot last night, but most of my dreams were about being in Jersey.
The only other dreams were bizarre. I dreamed I was sleeping rough, but in a shallow grave, while the archbishop was hanging around and blaring his own trumpet, as he does.
Then there was a body in a compost heap, but it was well rotted. It was the body of that little girl who went missing due to her parents' negligence in Portugal and then they exploited her disappearance and made loads of money, but it was her body in the compost heap. 
That was a horrible weird dream, I don't know if they have compost heaps in Portugal but I think the little girl probably is dead by now.

I am not going to go on surviving the horrific public destroyal of me by the church of england forever, which is why I am producing books about it. I am going to die. No one could withstand what I have and go on screaming for help while everyone turns away.

Thursday, 22 September 2016


Good evening peeps,

If any of you do physical work, you will know about those days when you come in from work so tired that you are shivering.
That is me now.

I was working with the gardening team today. Although for the morning I was actually working alone on one of their gardens. Hard work.
At lunch I stopped long enough for a light lunch and then went to work on an equally hard job with the team.

There is officially to be no more writing until Monday as I must work on my music!

Wednesday, 21 September 2016


Good evening,

Well I should be asleep, I am tired and aching and I have a hard day's work in the morning.

The Wanderer Book 1. Has been published in e-book and print. Phew.
I kept it down to 75,000 words due to printing costs and the fact that it is the first in the series and slightly different from the rest.

Goodnight peeps.