This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Monday, 27 June 2016

Thank you

This morning I woke at the new house, my second night there, although I have been spending my days here at the old place, trying to finish the move and clean the place.

Trying to clean when you have no food and scarce cleaning materials is too hard.
This morning I woke having not eaten since yesterday lunchtime.
I made tea but had no sugar, oh well, at least I didn't get caffeine withdrawal as well as low blood sugar.
I had a shower, and by 6.30 I was on my way back over here to the old flat, the intention is to finish this flat today and I have two gardens nearby to do as well.
It was daunting to think I could spend the day doing this with no food,

But I was lucky, someone had emailed and offered to help.

I am happy to say, I have now had a good meal and have got provisions and I am just about to go to work and get petrol before coming back here to finish the flat.

I should have money through starting from tomorrow and hopefully this is the end of the starvation for now.
Most of the expenses of moving are done, and I am just waiting to hear what the insurers say about max at the new house, it is likely to be a premium increase :(

Thank you to the person who saved me from another day of hunger and struggling, I don't think max would go much further on his petrol warning light and me on my food warning light, we were nearly done for, so thank you.

Sunday, 26 June 2016


Just to say, first and foremost I may not be blogging much this week, a bit taken up with moving home and surviving, nothing to worry about. Stalkerstat keeps logging in, Stalky, chill out, how come you were online during church?

This week I have had two episodes of hypoglycemia, and one nearly, I am just recovering from the second one now, thank God for neighbours who keep sugar in stock, I don't use sugar much.

The problem with a hypo is that it creeps up and becomes a real problem before you realise it, I tend to be drowsy and confused by the time I realise I am in difficulties, and the thing is, all it takes is something with sugar to put it right, as soon as you get something sugary into your mouth it starts to dissolve into the blood stream.

Normally I am extremely careful, I don't skip meals. I have known since I used to get very ill indeed when my youth group did sponsored fasts, that I can't fast.
You know what used to annoy me so much about the evilangelicals? Always always trying to tell me to fast! They fast so they can be seen, which makes it pointless.

The thing is with moving house, when you are destitute, if you use all your money on moving, then there is none left for food. So I keep going hypo, because I don't have sugar for tea and coffee normally so there is none in the house.
When I was on the streets, if I had a pound I had to choose between a hot drink with sugar or a cheap crappy McDonalds burger.

I have gone without adequate food this week and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing at all, there is no welfare available and I have no backup at all and never have had. Life started like this and went on like this. I guess that the church will be pushing me into desparate situations for the rest of my life.
I hope that at least briefly I can rest at my new home before the church trash my life again, but it is hard to hope for any form of change for the better now, it is getting too late.

I was writing this yesterday but am just continuing now. 'The Horse Whisperer' is on and I shouldn't watch it because it is distressing.

Moving house has taken all my money and I have no reserve, hard work uses more sugar, so yesterday I nearly went hypo, again, it was a good thing my neighbour had some sugar, he had just the end of a bag and so I was able to take in some sugar and then I lay on the floor and yawned until the hypo went over, it is very quick once you have sugar in your bloodstream.

I don't have any money, still, I do have money due to me next week, and work, but I have to stay awake until then, and I will. I do not beg or ask, but I will survive, after all I lived on the streets and ate out of bins for three years, didn't I?
Your fault, stalky, stop making things worse for me!

Saturday, 25 June 2016

Opera, pillars of fire, lightning

I wrote the Opera article earlier this week:


I don't want to eclipse the latest revelation of the depth of John Cameron of the NSPCC's evil and corruption, but people are asking me to at least say something about my daily life again. What can I say? I am sitting here in the stupor that is preventing me from taking vital action about making sure I am secure in a new home. I can't even get myself to shower or fill in vital paperwork. Paperwork seems silly when you have been senselessly publicly destroyed.

We went to the Opera the other night. Glyndebourne House doing live Barber of Seville.
I thought the Barber of Seville was the one who singed the King of Spain's beard? No, apparently not.

Opera is an acquired taste, isn't it? I hear that wine is too, but I never developed a taste for alcohol, I think alcohol is only any use as a disinfectant, but it is cheaper to buy flash with bleach from the pound shop.

Anyway, I hated Madama Butterfly, but The Barber of Seville was great. I think the acting made the difference, they were all very good, and it was funny. Worth missing Hollyoaks for.
I really liked Figaro

I have to say, I liked Figaro, he was awesome, but the Count was also awesome, and the Doctor and the girl were also very good, so was the housekeeper, there was no bad acting or singing in this. It is funny in contrast to the MET, who were worse than a village hall for Madama Butterfly. I would love to see Glyndebourne's Barber of Seville again.
However, no one warned me that the Dean of Jersey got a role in this production! Don Basilio.

You know the funny thing about Opera, the audience is mainly fat old Anglicans and Catholics - you can tell the difference because the Catholics genuflect to the screen before going to their seats! :) But there the two of us are, two autistic academics, discussing environmental science before the programme starts.

Anyway, it was a late night, not ideal while moving home and fighting for my life. I do not see how I can avoid a relapse with what I am trying to do at the moment, and there is no way I can afford a relapse right now.

Triggers of relapse - over-expenditure of limited energy, stress, dentist, travel, tiredness and lack of sleep.
Now all of the above apply. I have been out late at Opera, I have shifted heavy loads of stuff, I have had to travel quite a bit, used all my money, got too tired, and tomorrow I have dentist, he is going to try crowning my tooth. So I may relapse, which will be a disaster within the week I am trying to get a roof over my head.

The Last Day:

Recently I don't want to wake up and do the papers, but it is a tragedy that I have to give up doing them because the Church of England lost me my home.

So this is the last day, two days after the stupid polling station made it hard for me to deliver the papers to the flats, and a day after the EU referendum result and Prime Minister's resignation were on the news as soon as I got home from doing the papers.
It has been a strange week, no doubt about that. Some of the week can't be recorded here, as usual due to risk to me from the church and their authorities if they are able to trace me.

This morning I wake feeling tired, reluctant to get up, but not in great pain, but considering the ordeal of the dentist yesterday after a morning of hard work and also some heavy house moving work, it is amazing I am in as fit condition as I am. Normally I would have relapsed with all this.
I am not in relapse.
Those of you who don't know how poor people move from one small tenancy to another, we don't get a big removal van and move on the day, we move bit by bit without a removal van.

Anyway, I fell sleepily out of bed this morning, I don't like waking up because of the church. I went to the shop and we went through the motions of saying goodbye before I sorted the papers and headed out.
It has always been an awkward round, and in a way I don't mind that it is over, trying to safely do the papers along the main roads isn't fun, and trying to do an about turn for the second half of the round is no fun, the steps on the lower slopes of the Great Hill is no fun. Oh well, it got me up and out of nightmares and it earned a living.
I can't afford food today because I have to get a man to move my bed today. Haha, it's the only time a man goes near my bed! Lets keep it that way.

I have a slight problem that I have to move some furniture this morning without eating, my blood sugar may drop too low, and although I have tea, I have no sugar. No-one here is better off, my neighbour owes me money because I made sure he had money for food the other week and he still came round and asked if I could help him with food yesterday, he goes hungry a lot too but he doesn't get hypoglycemia, so he is marginally better off than me.

Anyway, the papers were done by 7.25 this morning, I was always the stand-in if paperboys and girls were off sick, so in the end I only had my round to do. I see the other shop are yet again looking for cover for the rural routes that I used to do, it is not an easy task.
My new landlord is one person I have been delivering papers to for so long, never knowing he would become my landlord!

So the paper round days are over. I am not at all sure that is a good thing but life is life. So far no-one will stop the Church of England taking my life and living from me. Nothing I own or do is safe from them.
My blood sugar level is already too low.

Max the Lion:

It was sad but I wouldn't have got Florence through her MOT.
I can't really do the kind of work I do without a car and in an area where buses are bad and expensive.
So I contacted the car's best friend about Florence's younger brother, Max, he was reluctant to sell but he had always planned on selling Max as he had too many cars and Max had been an unexpected extra that he had grown rather attached to. I had always had first refusal on Max, so we agreed a price but at the time he didn't think he could do anything about Florence.
However, he changed his mind and said he would assess Florence and we would make decisions.

When it came the time to swap cars, I was feeling very bad because of the church and I didn't want to test drive Max. To make it worse, his clutch and brakes are so sharp that I kept stalling him, and I was so nervous I was driving really messily.
When we got back, the car's best friend drove Florence off into the sunset and I sat there with Max, feeling stupid. I just wanted Florence.

I moved Max round into Florence's parking space, and then everyone appeared out of hiding.
'Oh, you've got a new car!' They said, as if they hadn't been waiting there knowing very well.

It was a very comforting moment as everyone inspected Max and talked to me. They have no idea how much it helped.
It was like a big event, because Florence is well known, she is a character and is well liked, no-one wanted her scrapped.
Well I was so reluctant to drive Max, but I had no choice, the deal was done, and I realised that part of the problem was that Max was the same make and Model as Anna, the tragic Jersey car, and I haven't been able to process what happened in Jersey so it still affects me.

Anyway, I made myself drive Max, and very soon I was OK with him.
He is not a character, he is a steady plodder, he is not like Florence or Anna.

Anyway, the first verdict on Florence was that she would pass an MOT with a bit of work, but before a more thorough inspection was carried out, someone asked to buy her!
Florence rolls nortily into her 25th year of life, cheerfully spitting parts everywhere, with a new owner. She didn't make me much money, but it is amazing that she is staying on the road and made me any money at all!
Florence was all spark and fire, loved and full of character, Max is a plodding Fell Pony, no spirit, but he picks up speed very quickly without me noticing, so I have to be careful.

Max's New House Adventures:

Well it was evening by the time the negotiations on the flat were completed. Friday evening. I was tired and I wanted Hollyoaks and bed.
I headed towards home, the one road that winds round the Great Hill. Unfortunately towards the bottom of the hill there had been a crash, an ambulance and an upside down car, flashing lights and all.
So I turned in the road and headed back up the hill, Max's petrol light went on, he can run a long way on empty, I know that from Anna and Florence, Peugeots do run a long way on empty, one of the reasons I only have peugeots :)
Still, how was I going to get home? There is no other direct route, and the other road was closed down with the road dug up. I was stumped.
No Wifi, but somehow an email came through from a contract gardener about some work he will share with me. But no way of looking up traffic and travel, and nothing on the radio, the Great Hill obliterates the signal.

I sit for a while and see if the crash road has re-opened, no it hasn't. I am a short drive from home but there is no way through, it is late and I am tired.
The road doesn't re-open that night.
I try to get through on a country lane, but no joy, on the way I meet a lady who has lost her dogs, apparently she was out seeing to the horses, and the dogs got out of the paddock, it brings back memories. We didn't find the dogs and I still can't get home. I guess she found the dogs later, it is not easy to lose dogs permenantly.

In the end people are being told how to get through, a very long drive indeed just to get to a place only a few miles away normally.
Max holds out with the petrol warning light on as we limp home. He plods steady and unfussed, Fell Pony Car compared to Florence's Arabian Spark and nerves.

The Pillar of Fire:

I dropped a load of stuff at the new flat, the air was heavy and humid, horrible weather to move house in, sweating as I drag heavy objects around.
Then I turn Max round onto the cliff top in the gathering dusk.
Thunder rumbles and the clouds loom, a storm would be very welcome.

On the cliff, the sea is gloomy in the gathering dark and storm.
Lightning splits the sky far out as the sunset lights the edges of the cloud.
I notice something over towards the French Coast, it looks like a pillar of fire.

I realise that it is rather an amazing thing, a rainbow in the gathering dark, with the sunset reflecting on it. I have never seen anything like this before. It looks like a pillar of fire! Awesome.

I head back towards home, and the clouds break in torrents of rain. The thunder is crashing now and lightning splits the sky as Max races down the hill towards home. It is all so awesome that I pull over to enjoy the storm and the now cooler air.

Friday, 24 June 2016

European Union

In the Second World War, the tiny but spirited nation of ours fought with Great courage and remained free.
And then handed ourselves over, begging to be part of the German European Union.
Because we were being Excluded, and we didn't like it.

Having worked in the farming industry, I know what the European Union has done to us, taken real industry and strangled it and left us on subsidies that are not relevant to the industry but have become something that we depend upon.

Leaving the European Union will sadly not make Britain Great again, they have bled us dry and the UK is a roiling mess, and now with an uncertain future with regards Trade and movement.
I think the vote, narrow as it was, was to do with desparation. There could be no winners either way.
Great Britain, it's history and it's industry and it's pride, is a dry dusty and finished place, and I have no wish to be here, but where am I allowed to go now? Now that I am not in the European Union?

The thing about this referendum is the fighting over it has been so nasty and vicious that it makes me wonder if this world is even worth living in, let alone this country. I have never heard or seen such bigotry and hatred and narrowness, people attacking each other just because they are each exercising their own view, but they don't want others to have a view.

Well, anyway, my concluding truth is that I had no wish to be ruled over by uncaring and unelected people who are basically Germany. The EU already place penalties and regulations on the UK that they do not enforce in other countries. We are still paying for being the UK, for being the country that won the Second World War, and for Charles De Gaulle not liking us.

Great Britain does not have enough industry left to sustain it, we will have to copy the channel islands and have Great Britain Cows, UK Royal Potatoes, corruption and a massive finance industry! :)

The Second World War changed every country that it touched, and the EU has left it's mark on the UK, we will never be what we are, and we are now in a dangerous and unstable situation. I doubt very much that there is a contingency plan. Everyone was too busy attacking each other to think of that.

Thursday, 23 June 2016

We have got to the stage in this nasty nasty game called 'Who will launch on HG next?'

Sue Bowles and Bishop Crook, 

Do you think I need lies from a Bishop who has upheld a paedophile protector who is the lay chair of the Jersey synod?
Do you think I need lies from a Bishop who has upheld two paedophile protectors who have abused the press and dual church and States roles in order to harm a vulnerable adult?

I have made a complaint, and while Juliet Montague's ex-boyfriend, Bishop Trevor continues to lie about safeguarding and uphold wrongdoers and actually take part in very questionable activities in the church, he has nothing but lies.

Let me re-iterate, I have made a formal complaint against the behaviour of the Dean and Deanery of Jersey and that stands until it is actioned properly.

How long ago did I make this complaint? Well it has actually been a live complaint now for a number of years while the Jersey Deanery have been free to destroy me publicly and through the press, and Bishop Trevor's response to all this and the two paedophile protectors harming me from their conflicted church-government-judiciary positions was to abuse the press himself by claiming safeguarding in the churches was good. Backed by the Archbishop's upholding of this, despite neither Bishop Trevor nor the Archbishop ever having met me, heard my side or made sure my side was included in any of the conflicted whitewash reports.

Do you have any idea how traumatic it is to be contacted right now so that the Bishop can lie to me? I am homeless and destitute and destroyed after the recent onslaught against me by the church, press and complete strangers who attack me because of the lies in the press. 
It is too late for the church to make a pretence of response, and especially Juliet Montague's ex-boyfriend, Bishop Trevor.

Juliet used to really make us laugh when she came home with tales of the Bishop wooing her and their little times together, he was a joke even back then.

Seeing him in Jersey manipulating the vulnerable was shocking when I lived in jersey, he was really in with the very questionable activities such as the paedophile fest that couldn't possibly be anything to do with God, where the leaders got the children to lay hands on people. Safeguarding in Jersey is good? You should have seen the greasy paedophiles huffing and puffing their way to the front of the qeue, and that was normal in the Jersey church and undoubtedly still is, it is the one place where paedophiles and their protectors know, especially from watching me be destroyed, that they are pretty much invited to go in and pick out victims. Bishop Trevor abuses the press to openly uphold this, because gathering from Juliet Montague, his own morals are deeply skewed.

I would like to re-iterate my formal complaint against the Dean and Deanery of Jersey and remind Bishop Trevor that lying about safeguarding in the press whilst knowingly employing men who have put children at risk, is Godless and dishonest and harmful to me and other victims of church abuse.

I do not care for a response from a Bishop who is known to be devious and to uphold wrongdoers, did you see the showing off about his expensive new crook that the churches in Jersey bought him as a thank you for protecting their wrongdoing, what does that have to do with Christianity, wasting money on things that God would not condone instead of helping the poor? Pathetic, and to use the press for it? The modern day pharisees. Jesus turned the tables over in anger, 'two thousand years go by, still they cry 'crucify, crucify!' It is disgusting.

Now, for the past three years, Bishop Trevor has overseen the Jersey Deanery abusing their power and publicly destroying me, his response has been to lie in the press about safeguarding, thus further harming me. He upholds wrong and thus his belated 'response' after the recent attack on me from which I have no recovered, is about as valid as his claims about safeguarding.
Not valid at all.

Make sure he ensures a full independent investigation into my formal complaint. 
I know the church don't know what independent means, because they referred to Korris, Gladwin and Steel as independent and allowed those people's conflicts of interest to publicly destroy me. There has been no report that includes me and no independent and unbiased report. No apology has been made for the damage and the damage is now a serious threat to my life. 
Bishop Trevor's public upholding of the Jersey Deanery's corruption last year sparked an attack on me that nearly cost both me and Bob Hill our lives and according to Bob Hill, Bishop Trevor knows and doesn't care, hence any belated response hardly being credible. Let me remind you: 

While I am in severe crisis, I cannot take any more lies from the church and if you email again while I am fighting, with no money even for food, to keep a roof over my head, the consequences will be catastrophic, so please don't. Just make sure there is at last an independent report, after three years of Bishop Trevor overseeing and condoning his Jersey Deanery's public and illegal destroyal of me.
Safeguarding? What a joke!  And why are you trying to redeem Bishop Dakin? He should be sacked and he thinks he can save his skin through using me? He is pathetic.
Have any of you any idea of the seriousness of the situation, I am fighting to stay housed and fed, I have no money at all and no access to help, and why am I fighting when the damage the Archbishop and Bishops have done on top of the way I am branded makes my life completely worthless and the continued pretence of response after all these years by the church is catastrophic, because it is all lies, excuses and back covering, which compounds the damage. You are collectively putting my life at risk, it is a collective and collaborated effort, no mistake, and it really must stop and an outside investigation must be carried out.

Answer me this, why would the Bishop of Dover suddenly respond now? Where did you get my email addresses, Sue Bowles? Well you got them from three years of my emails to the crooked Bishop, as he has been known since that laughable showing off in the Jersey press.  So, why ignore me for three years and launch on me along with a load of other eager liars, Dakin, Tilby, Dodds etc, after the Archbishop has dealt me the death blow by showing how corrupt he is by apologizing to the Dean, having met the Dean and his powerful clique and bent to their version of events and never having met with me?!
It gets ridiculous and it gets pathetic, the damage is done to me, the damage is too much for me to heal from now, you know when you see an animal with it's head hanging and you know the kindest thing would be to shoot it? That is how I am, and nothing the Bishops or coverup board says is really relevant. I may well be unable to go on fighting for my life, my back really is broken, but I want an independent report into everything that has happened to me in the church, not least the abuse of power by conflicted members of the Jersey Deanery, and the Bishop of Dover's bullshit will not change that.

Please make sure the following small sample of relevant statements and letters below  reach the independent inquiry when Bishop Willmott wakes up again and remembers to call this inquiry, in three years time? After my shamed, disgraced and branded death?

By the way, Tilby and Dodds, I am sick of this bombardment when you know I am in crisis, and what is it in aid of? Lies and cover-up, not my welfare or a proper response to my complaint.


More of Bob Hill's Blogs:

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

Photo published for 22 Random Acts of Vanadalism That Are Actually Pure Genius

Jersey Safeguarding Partnership and the NSPCC


I did a taped Statement about Jersey's safeguarding Partnership and letters to go with it, and it is all set up ready to send.  Anyone who would like a copy of the taped statement, please ask. Although I am not well off, money isn't that important when my life is close to ending.

But in the meantime a much darker matter has come up.

Do you remember John Cameron, head of children's services at the NSPCC being illegally and inappropriately involved in my case on behalf of the Diocese of Winchester?

Refresh your memory here:

Anyway, I made a complaint to the NSPCC regarding this inappropriate abuse of power by John Cameron and the Diocese of Winchester, the 'referral' by the Diocese of a vulnerable adult to a children's service without consent was illegal and inappropriate. Cameron's acceptance of the referral and the Diocese's cover up to him and his unsolicited contact was equally inappropriate and illegal, he aided the Diocese in harassing me while they were harming me as described in the links below.

For three years the NSPCC have received my complaint and I have a file of automated replies to my emailed complaints, they have never responded to my complaint though.

A children's services director has no place in the case of a vulnerable adult unless something inappropriate is going on.

Now as you know, part of the onslaught against me in 2013 was Jersey Safeguarding Partnership doing a very swift whitewash of my case after Jane Fisher and Bishop Dakin liaised with Stewart Gull of Jersey Police, it was very strange and very frightening as the safeguarding board boasted to a member of the public that they had cleared the wrongdoers, while the police officer, Gull 'appointed' by the Bishop to illegally liaise with Dame Steel was also on the safeguarding board who did this swift whitewash and boast.

Did anyone factor John Cameron into this? Did anyone put two and two together about his position in the NSPCC and thus being a colleague of both Jane Fisher and the Jersey Safeguarding partnership and realise that this terrible corruption and conflict of interests could be even worse?
I had no idea, until yesterday.

Jersey Safeguarding Partnership have been threatening me with their whitewash report for three years now, while I have been under threat of the Church's whitewash reports, having already been destroyed by one of them.
If you need more information on the safeguarding partnership's terrorism of me, please read these:

I guess I never imagined that Cameron's violation of me was more than a one-off 'colleagues' back-scratching exercise between him and the disgraced former safeguarding director, Jane Fisher of the Winchester Diocese.
But gathering by what has happened, John Cameron did more than just violate me during the onslaught against me in October and November 2013, an account of which is available here:

Anyway, the NSPCC failed to respond to my complaint for three years, but after persisting in questioning them about what was claimed by the Diocese of Winchester about the NSPCC being able to house me, they finally replied to that query, and said they didn't house adults. Which I knew, but Bob Hill was duped into believeing that the NSPCC were going to house me, as you will have seen here:

The above link is not well presented but my mind was too distressed when I created it.

So anyway, on the tail end of the recent catastrophic press and media harm to me by the Church in the last few months, Jersey's safeguarding partnership start once again harassing me over their desire to publish their whitewash and further harm me. They have learned nothing and have ignored my persistent complaint and are determined to add to the public attack on my character in order to tick their boxes, despite damning reports recently on their own failures with children.
Their whitewash report on me has become a form of bullying, abuse and harassment that has contributed to the harm to me. What happens to the voiceless vulnerable? Especially when this is the way a 'serious case review' is carried out?! Shocking and unacceptable.

So what do you do when faced with something like this? Well you look for authorities who oversee such misconduct and harm, don't you?
Who oversees Jersey's safeguarding partnership? The conflicted council of ministers, most of whom are in the church!
Who else? Well I can keep putting my case to the home office, can't I? Theresa May is a Vicar's daughter.
Well I contacted as many social services and safeguarding boards in the country as I could, but I have been treated appallingly by social services who also were influenced by and acted for, the Church of England in my case, and have refused to protect me from harm by the church, and of course, being inextricably linked to the police, social services and safeguarding do not protect a victim of abuse of power by the church and police.
But I found that there is a government serious case review panel, so I sent them my complaint.
Unfortunately they meet only once a month.
So, I noticed that Peter Wanless was part of this panel, and I contacted him directly, despite the bad things I have heard about the NSPCC that he also is CEO of. This is because the serious case review panel meet only once a month and the safeguarding partnership are terrorizing me for their whitewash report here and now.

It's funny, the NSPCC have a very bad helpline and haven't responded to my complaint against John Cameron for three year. They are inaccessible and unhelpful, but Peter Wanless responded by telling me to phone the NSPCC helpline. No, not for a serious case review matter, as I told him, so I emailed him the details.

The next thing I knew, John Cameron was emailing me, and I was sick.

My case is not a children's services matter, it is a case of a vulnerable adult being hounded towards death by whitewash reports and misleading press releases and being discredited and destroyed. Now this has been going on since six months before John Cameron was wheeled in as part of the cover-up. Why is a member of children's services in the NSPCC being repeatedly brought into this case?!
This is not an NSPCC matter, this is a serious case review matter, and something is seriously wrong when this man Cameron keeps popping up.

I got the impression yesterday that Cameron is a bit like a cover-up hitman, he is actually hired in to protect wrongdoers in safeguarding, but is really being a bit blatant in involvement in an adult case when he is a children's service manager, and I do object as it is too inappropriate and too blatant. As the complainant, I have a right to see him withdrawn from interfering, and an apology made. Because his re-involvement means it is being made quite clear that Jersey Safeguarding Partnership's behaviour will be upheld while I will be discredited and continue to be treated as mad and bad. After all, Cameron blatantly acted on behalf of the Diocese of Winchester in their nwrongdoing and had their side of things, he is conflicted. And if Peter Wanless didn't know that, he should know that, because his NSPCC have received three years of formal complaint and failed to respond, leaving Cameron to re-abuse me and presumably act in the interests of wrongdoers yet again.

Cameron's re-involvement shows Peter Wanless's and the NSPCC's contempt for my case in one way or another and that I remain at risk of this whitewash that Gleny's Johnstone boasted to a member of the public to 'clear wrongdoers' after this remarkably swift report was carried out without consulting me or including me, and I was contacted as an afterthought when the report was finished and because a Jersey deputy kept badgering the corrupt officer Stewart Gull about it.

Now, the question is, did Cameron actually arrange this whitewash with the safeguarding partnership? After all, he was working with Jane Fisher to harm and violate me and treat me as an object, Jane Fisher is known to have co-ordinated the tandem Steel and Safeguarding Partnership whitewashes with Officer Gull as the link between the two, did Cameron also abuse his power to oversee that uncannily swift discrediting of me in the form of the safeguarding partnership half of the whitewash?

Or was the fact that he remained unreprimanded to jeer by contacting me yesterday about the complaint sent to Peter Wanless in a serious case review capacity just a coincidence?
If it was, then it shouldn't have happened, because I have made a formal complaint against Cameron for three years.
Cameron has no right to conflict and jeapordize my complaint when he has acted on behalf of the people who have harmed me and is biased by their side, that he took in so well that he contacted me on their behalf while they were seriously harming me.
This is Jane Fisher who he acted for before:

What happens to the voiceless vulnerable?

So the situation is that I have been left sickened and incapacitated at a time when I need all my energy to ensure I do not end up as a long term rough sleeper after the recent destroying attack on me by the Church of England and the press.

Peter Wanless has some questions to answer, although judging by his response so far, he has no intention of either answering them or dealing with Jersey Safeguarding Partnership's wrong actions.

These are the questions:

  • Why did the NSPCC leave John Cameron in a position to harm me again after his unethical actions on behalf of the defendants?
  • Why has the NSPCC failed to respond to my complaint for three years?
  • Why did you pass a complaint to YOU in YOUR CAPACITY on the serious case review to an NSPCC manager?
  • Why was it passed to the head of children's services when this is a vulnerable adult serious case review?! 
  • Is it co-incidence that it was passed to someone who acts for the defendants and is prejudiced by that and now in a position to prevent justice and protection and allow harm to me?!
  • Do you think it is acceptable that you allowed this man to terrorize and distress me when I am in a very vulnerable position when your transfer of my complaint from a government board to a charity is illegal?!
  • Peter Wanless are you going to take my case seriously with Cameron influencing your view? Are you going to withdraw this matter from the NSPCC as it was submitted to your serious case review panel and are you going to deal with it fairly or deliberately fail to protect me and uphold the corruption and deceit of Jersey Safeguarding Partnership?
I will circulate this because in the end, when I die, someone will co-ordinate all these letters and things will have to change, no child or vulnerable person should be met with this level of corruption, failure or denial, and if the NSPCC routinely allow Cameron to be hired out as a cover-up hitman to derail complaints and cover up for wrongdoers, something has got to change.
Jane Dodds and Graham Tilby who have been overseeing my destroyal on behalf of the Bishop and Archbishop will be sent a copy of this to see how they can cover it up. 

Dishonesty, corruption and lack of action have left a vulnerable adult irreparably and seriously harmed, but what happens to the voiceless vulnerable?

To Conclude, these were my recent responses to the Safeguarding partnership, and also my psychological report:

The production of this letter when I should be at work and am homeless and trying to get myself housed is a great inconvenience as is making the very long journey to post the transcripts safely. Right now I am supposed to be making sure a disabled person can have a shower safely, so this safeguarding failure has far-reaching affects and impacts on other people.

Also please note, just as the Bishop refuses to release a copy of the conflicted Steel report to me, the safeguarding partnership refuse to let me see their whitewash. It's all a bit too blatant, and John Cameron's re-entry onto the scene is too. This complaint is not to be rubbished by someone who thinks the same as the church, that they can claim to offer 'help' to me while destroying me publicly and through whitewash reports. No help can reach someone being destroyed in this way, it is a back-covering excuse to offer it, and it is twisted and sick.
Children do not have the voice that I do, what happens to them at the hands of the church, NSPCC and safeguarding partnership?


Tuesday, 21 June 2016

Lets walk

Lets have a quiet walk on St. Clements Bay this morning.
Jersey Safeguarding Fartnership want to meet me on Thursday, which is one way of avoiding the upcoming anarchy and getting me safely out of the EU.
They really think I am stupid, the paedophile protector partnership, don't they?
But lets walk on St. Clements Bay  and remember this:

In other words, HG is having flashbacks.

Monday, 20 June 2016


Brother are you there?
You are in my dreams this night
the snow and the salt and the sand
of St. Clements Bay where she died

Brother Can you hear me?
She is calling for help
but her cries are getting fainter
and the horror that was, still is

Brother can you wake?
Can you hear my screams?
through the salt and the snow and the dark
I can't bear it any more

Brother can you come up here
take her in your arms
make the darkness of St Clements bay turn to light
bring an end to the dark

Brother do you remember the dark
St. Clements, 2am in the morning
Time stopped then but she is waiting
when will the end come, when will there be peace?

Brother can you command her rest?
Take her from the sand and the salt and darkness
lay her to rest at St. Ouen
St. Clements Bay is frozen in the snow

Brother you were there when she died
frozen on the dark bay
the sand and the salt and the sea
so please take her to rest at St. Ouen

Brother where is she?
Dreaming of the sunlight? waiting for you?
she is a child again, running to her father's arms with joy
the lights of Corbiere and Casquets beaming bright, home forever

Disclaimer. This poem is about unresolved grief and the horrific damage HG has suffered, it is also about platonic love and separation. It is not about suicide. The Church of England and their allies have and undoubtedly will again, try to have HG put away on any excuse to save their own skins, don't let a cry of grief be that excuse.

Friday, 17 June 2016

so much pain

Jo Cox

Apology, I have repeatedly got Jo's husband's name wrong, shows my state of mind, that I confused him with someone else. Sorry. 

A bit outside of the scope of my blog but I thought this would be an exercise in writing to help try to bring me out of my stupor. The stupor is because the church and press and safeguarding board relaunched their attack and destroyed the tattered remains of my life.

Yesterday afternoon, or was it lunchtime. Sitting here in the stupor that the severe trauma of the latest onslaught by the Church, press and 'safeguarding partnership' have caused. I was on twitter.
Breaking news started that 'an MP had been shot'.

My image was of a gunman randomly firing into a crowd and just happening to hit an MP who was out and about in the town. I thought it might be a gang war type thing.

It wasn't very long before details began to emerge.

The MP, Jo Cox, had obviously been specifically targeted, and not only shot but also stabbed.
Someone else was injured, but not much has been said about that. But at the time, Jo had been rushed to hospital and was in critical condition.

The news told of scenes of panic as people tried to get away from the gunman, and how the gun was a makeshift gun.
How did this man get or make a makeshift gun? Well unfortunately it is possible to get weapons in the UK, I remember hiding behind a car with my brother when a madman with a crossbow went past when I was 14. That was life back then.

Anyway, I was kind of out of my stupor by then,  Talking on twitter to other horrified people, including those who encouraged me to play on the swear machine, disrespectful? Maybe but maybe necessary, how can people come to terms with such horrifying news? I needed something to release pressure. So I played on the swearword generator with my pals.

What a horrifying thing to happen.

Jo Cox was on the news last year at the general election, with her reaction to being elected. I remember her trying to express her reaction to her election. She was so alive and happy.

The thing was with Jo Cox, and I don't mean this as a useless smear on some other MPs, she was actually qualified to represent people, she had a track record of public and voluntary service and she knew and understood human problems and suffering, she cared. It feels to me as if some MPs went to top boarding schools and have had everything handed to them on a plate and do not have the same experience that Jo did, they qualified as MP's by their social status not life experience. Jo lived in the very real world and used that in her work as an MP, for example in her speech on refugee children, she talked about how if those were her children suffering like that, she would do anything to get them out of that situation. Her work with the NSPCC and other charities meant she really knew about human problems and she really qualified as an MP because she could represent people and she continued her community work whilst also being an MP.

Jo Cox was attacked as she left an advice surgery that she was holding for her constituents. She didn't provoke an attack as someone suggested early on, and no-one can 'provoke' an attack in that way, because no one has a right to such violence. People say such stupid things about tragedies and injustice sometimes.
And of course the debate is in full spate now with stupid things being said all round.

Tragically Jo died within a few hours of the attack on her.
When that news broke, all I could think of was that someone had to go and tell her children, and that made me feel sick.
I may be autistic and with reactive attachment disorder and having only known hell in terms of family, but I care about human beings, I can't love them, I am close to being affectionless but I can care, and I do. And maybe I care more since the lesson of Bob Hill collapsing while trying to defend me. I have fought in spirit and prayer for Bob Hill's life for six months and the only good thing that has happened recently is that he has recovered enough to be safe home with his family.

Mothers are very important, children need them. What a lame thing to say, but it's true.
Jo Cox's husband was incredible in the statement he released, advocating fighting the hate and not taking part in it. It was a profound statement for someone who had just lost his wife to hatred. He and Jo obviously shared the same values, values that are vital in this world where selfishness is overwhelming. Jo and Brendan cared about people, and Jo became an MP because she cared. The world becomes more cold and with Jo's death, we can't afford to lose people like that.

One of the horrible arguments over Jo's death is that there were claims that the attacker shouted 'Britain First'. This has been used to start political fights. Firstly, why would the gunman shout that, while killing a British MP? Secondly, no one who murders a person has the interests of Britain at heart. Thirdly, someone deranged enough to kill doesn't represent anyone unless they are very sick.
And fourth, why use this alleged shouting by the gunman as politics?  A woman is dead, a wife, a mother, someone who cared and represented the vulnerable.

Someone claimed that the arresting officers heard the gunman shouting this, but seeing as they arrived some time later and had to chase him, that is a bit silly.

Then the vicious fighting to do with this being to do with the European Union, and then it is used politically. A human being is dead, and the fighting and viciousness over the European Union so far has shown Britain at it's worst, people need to grow up a bit. And you simply can't be psychopathic enough to use a tragedy as ammo in a fight that has already gone into the sewers.

The other dreadful happening regarding the attacker and the press is the use of his 'mental illness'.
Now let me be realistic and non-controversial. There is no doubt that this man was mentally ill, anyone who kills in cold blood is either deranged, psychopathic, or evil and aware of what they are doing.
I do not know if the murder was pre-meditated. But I am sure the man was seriously mentally ill.
However, the misuse of the word 'mental illness' by the press and public without discrimination can be a slur on all people with mental illnesses. Mental illness covers a range of conditions from anxiety to psychopathy, and a vast majority of people with mental health problems wouldn't dream of committing violent acts.
So to use Mental illness as a reason for the murder without distinguishing between types of mental illness or actually name the illness.  The press should be more responsible than to spread stigma.

I myself have been slurred and smeared as 'mentally ill' by the wrongdoers in my case, as an excuse for themselves, which is terrible and very damaging.

I hope that Jo's husband and children manage to cope and are well supported. My thoughts are with them. Jo's husband's statement regarding fighting the hatred was a brave statement from someone bereaved in such a way. I hope that the children are able to grow up feeling the same, because as well as such a public tragedy, the media attention will be overwhelming.

I have just read that a forensic psychologist claims that most people who attack politicians are mentally ill loners. It is terrible how deep this horrible attitude goes. I could be considered a loner because I can't cope with people and I prefer long hours of silence alone, the Jersey Deanery have tried to make me out to be mentally ill in the stigma and mad sense, and I suffer PTSD, but I don't attack politicians, I don't like violence. I don't like the church of england abusing their power and abusing me, but I have no intention of attacking them, just persisting in asking for justice.
Generalisations about mental illness are inappropriate in this day and age especially from people in authority, and such attitudes don't help and they make life harder for vulnerable people with mental health concerns.

Now the headline is that the killer had neo-nazi links. I will refrain from mentioning the Church of England at this point, I think people will speculate and argue and the press will have a field day, that is what happens.
A caring woman with a family who loved her is dead. That is the real headline and the real news, never mind argument or speculation.

Here is the statement and tribute by Jo's husband Brendan c/o The Independent Newspaper, if you haven't seen it yet, please do: