This is a merge of my 'Wanderer' blog that tells of two years of my three years on the streets, and a new blog that tells of my life after the Diocese of Winchester ripped through my life for for the last few years on top of the previous serious harm that left me homeless
This is a day to day blog of my life as I continue to survive, work on recovery and on the social problems that I have and try to come to terms with limitless traumas I have survived along the way.
This blog is in tandem with my blog about my experiences in the Church of England

The former name of this blog and the name of it's sister blog are to do with my sense of humour, which I hope to keep to the end, which appears to be ever more rapidly approaching. At least I laughed, and I laughed at the people who were destroying me. Don't forget that.

Here are my books, which I wrote for you if you would like to know more:

Saturday, 10 December 2016

This is awful...

As the Church Times yet again spit on me, I am working with book 5 of 'The Wanderer' and it is traumatizing me. Here is the day that I finally learned of the church hate attack on me in the press.


Good morning you oddly peeptype peeps,

Well, yesterday was the day.

I can't remember what was happening but everyone has been emailing me and kicking up a fuss.
and so I was led to the article in the paper where the Archbishop of Canterbury and the Bishop of the Diocese where I was destroyed apparently apologize to me, and the man behind my destroyal is suspended and facing action against him, he, the untouchable who would never be reprimanded!
Well it was a shock and I was stunned, and I stumbled out of the library, crying.

I realised this was why I had been traced, though tracing me with the police over this matter is inappropriate to say the least. I am glad that the church haven't known how to find me! wasn't that what my life has been about for the last few years? :)

I did as before and headed for church, my friend who helped me with the last shock came and sat with me and talked with me.
When she left I remained shocked and wandered aimlessly, not knowing where I was going.

Then I got some credit and phoned my dear friend, and she also had good news, she and her husband, who have sustained my life through all this terrible homeless destroyed time, have found a new home! They were facing homelessness themselves and now they have a new home to move to soon, and I will be free to go and see them, even at their old home now, because they have always had to smuggle me in secretly until now, because of all this church stuff.

Anyway, I continued my wanderings, which turned into my usual peaceful evening walk with my headphones in.
I went up to church eventually and one of the ladies had come to lock up after a group had used the church and she invited me to come and sit in church in the warmth for a while, there was an old lady sitting in church, she is lucid but has slight dementia or something and she tends to wander into church sometimes.
The old lady was scared to walk home again in the dark, so when the church lady locked up, I walked the old lady home and she held my arm and chattered away, very lively and fascinating.
When we got to her house she invited me in but I politely told her that I had to get home. :)

I went back to my porch and tucked down in my blanket pile and looked up at the starry sky, the church took my life but they gave me a sky full of stars.
I slept peaceful and comfortable, waking briefly to look up at a cold and clouded sky and woke with my early alarm in the morning and was up just after 6am in a very cold morning, the sun rising and the light blue sky partly covered with snow cloud.

I waterproofed my bedding for the bad weather and headed for McD's and used stickers and a token to get a cuppa and some porridge. I sat there for ages dreaming.

Eventually I put my earphones in and went for my morning walk, I can't begin to explain to you how beautiful my world is between evening and morning, the solitude and the water and the cold dark silence, it is awesome.
There is a solitary wading bird down by the water, every morning I stop to watch him as he potters up and down, I think he is autistic, I do not know the species but he is a pretty bird and I have not seen one like him before.

Anyway, when i dragged myself away from the water's edge, I went and had my wash and came here.
Technically I should be going to church to see if the gardener needs any help. But I am kind of stuck to my chair :)


Hey peeps,

Please excuse the blogglessness. I have been tired and the Church of England are not cured by any medicine known to man.

I am doing my best.
This morning I woke in the dark early morning and did some things before throwing myself in the direction of work, via a handy McDonalds, haha.

I worked until the rain really started, then I had other things to do.
I went to the opticians and told them I had a screw loose. That even got a laugh out of the receptionist, who is nice, but quite prim and proper. They fixed my glasses.
Then I went to a meeting, then I went to sort even more stuff out.

Eventually I got home and had lunch, then I went out and forced myself to mingle with the Christmas festivities, I even wore my Santa hat, yes I still wear a santa hat at Christmas, but I can never find a decent pink one these days. I endured the Christmas festivities, and I actually enjoyed the craft markets, but I can never choose anything for people's gifts and this year it made me too sad.
Last year I got my friend a load of little gifts from the crafts barn, she was too weak to unwrap her gifts on Christmas Day so I helped her, and that evening when she hugged and and kissed me goodbye, that was the last time I saw her alive.

So, peeps, that is one reason this is a painful Christmas, the others are that the Church of England and their press and their utter loony 'national safeguarding team' have injured me too severely, and the third is that I am actually moving house at Christmas so that my work isn't disrupted. Stupid, I know, but I guess moving is a kind of distraction, I can't really come to terms with Christmas this year.

As I am looking out the window, the band and the lantern parade are starting to move despite the rain, the band have been keeping me magically entertained although I have also had Youtube on, I can actually bear to listen to this song now,

Did you know it is about grief? one of her musicians died just before Christmas. I guess it can be for me and my late friend as the year anniversary approaches.
The one I can't listen to without crying is 'A Winter's Tale' by David Essex, because it makes me grieve for Jersey, and I can't afford to do that, it makes me grieve for St. Clement's Bay in the cold and dark. It isn't time to grieve and die yet, I am still fighting for my life.

Here the sea is roaring and I stood on the hill and looked down at the bay and the harbour for some time. I don't stop and look any more, I don't feel the joy and wonder, because everything that has happened has been too much.

Anyway, it has been a fairly normal week here, work, study, last assignment of the term handed in, a third of the next book transcribed. And yes the flat is decorated for Christmas and with cards everywhere, dunno why.

Ah, I had good flights though this week, I still have a great agraphobia and fear of ending up squashed, trapped or with horrible passengers, but I was sat next to a young girl, about 9 or 10, and she was reading a book, she told me all about her book, it was part of a series called 'The Magic Tree House' series, and it was quite like Enid Blyton's Wishing Chair and Faraway Tree series from my childhood. Anyway, in this book of hers, the children ended up on the Titanic. She was really enjoying reading it, and she asked about my book. I was reading a University textbook about music, so I told her that, and she said that she hadn't quite got as far as university yet. Which was funny.
I asked if she liked music and she told me she played the violin. Wonderful, she was such a bright girl. I bet she will ace university when she does get there.

Thursday, 8 December 2016


From 'The Wanderer's Diary 5, which I am just transcribing, and unfortunately I didn't die, they destroyed me again, and no-one stopped. them.


Hi peeps,

Well a lot has happened, but most important and serious is that the diocese of the church of England who destroyed me have found me and are attacking through the police again.

I lived only for the hope that I had escaped them, my choices are limited - commit suicide or leave the country.

My gingerbread house